CBWHfCBW Friendsim

(set: $fail to false)Wake up, sleepyhead! ...is what you would’ve heard if you hadn’t been up since 5:00 in the morning preparing for this. Picking an outfit, brushing your teeth, looking over the schedule, getting distracted and scrolling through Twitter, printing out the map and circling all your favorite events… you are READY for this convention. [[> REMIND YOURSELF EXACTLY WHICH CONVENTION YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE READY FOR->intro1]]

How could you forget? You’ve been waiting all year for the Choice-Based Webcomic Convention for Command-Based Webcomics! Overshadowed only by the TWOW Convention next door, it’s the second-biggest event of the decade featuring tons of folks both real and fictional. There’s panel discussions, artist alleys, lots and lots of merch… everything you could want out of a convention. But you’re not just there for the stuff. Yeah, you’re going to walk out of there wearing like five shirts, but more importantly, you won’t walk out of there alone. You, a CBWHfCBW Reader, are going to walk out of the Choice-Based Webcomic Convention for Command-Based Webcomics with a FRIEND. First, though, you have to make a choice. Possibly the most important choice you have ever made in your entire life. Your entire life flashes before your eyes as you consider every choice you’ve ever made, and… nah, none of them get close to this one. This will determine your future, and quite possibly your past! Reader… would you like to grab a bite to eat first, or go straight there and get the party started? [[> GO TO THE RESTAURANT->restaurantchoice]] [[> GO TO THE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER->entertainmentchoice]]

As much as you want to have a rockin’ time at the convention, you simply cannot allow yourself to go on an empty stomach. Plus, the food in there is, like, ten times as expensive as anything outside. You’ll just swing by a local establishment and grab a quick breakfast. You walk inside to find that a LOT of folks have had the same idea as you. Front and center, there’s a massive green pair of pants…? Wait, no, that’s a guy. On closer inspection, he looks like a big green pair of legs with a red crown, and he’s positively beaming as he snacks on apple slices and slams down some orange juice. He also seems to be… singing something about breakfast? You would keep walking, but… you’re not even at the convention yet, and you’re already getting some powerful Friend Vibes™ from Green Jeans over there. He seems to be radiating all the qualities you’re looking for in your pal-to-be: delightful, healthy, willing to make eye contact with strangers. This is it. Your Friend Moment™. You straighten your collar, crack your knuckles, stretch out a bit, and start walking towards-- "HEY." Huh? "Hey, youuu, with the… uh…. with the shirt. You know, the, the, the average guy. The one who doesn’t look like anyone in particular. You just… look like you’re there. You?" Harsh. You turn around to see a lady who loves green-- it’s in her hair, her dress, and her alcoholic drink that you have no idea how she ordered at a fast food restaurant-- pointing at you. She’s clearly not on her first green slime, and, to put it lightly, she kind of looks like a mess. "Y’know, like… it’s, it’s easier to hear me talk when you’re closer to me. Siddown. I got a seat open. I got a LOT of seats open." Yeah. She’s taking up a whole booth. There’s a family here crowded around a table with two seats, and all of them are glaring at her. Fast food restaurants aren’t really for reclining. Everything about her screams “red flag.” On an ordinary day, you would immediately turn away from her and go just about anywhere else. But today is not an ordinary day, and you are here for FRIENDSHIP, not safety. Perhaps she is looking for someone to sit by her and hear her woeful (or possibly quite funny) tale, and darn if you’re not the perfect type of person to do it! You take a deep breath, and walk towards… [[THE WRONG TROUSERS->brobeeSTART]] [[FIVE-DRINK VRISKA->altbanditSTART]]

You know how the saying goes. “Breakfast is… really dumb and everyone hates it!” You are pretty sure that’s how the saying goes. You’ll have plenty of time to grab something inside once you’re situated. First, though, you need to get in! The lines are going to be AWFUL if you wait until after you’ve eaten to try to get inside. So you head directly to the Eric Millikin Convention Center, march right up to the entrance, and get in line. Because you’re pretty early, the line isn’t terrible, and you end up waiting about fifteen minutes to get in. Just as soon as fifteen minutes begin, they’re over, and you find yourself in an absolutely MASSIVE central area. There are people everywhere. Just from where you’re standing you can spot cosplayers, families, people who are way too old for this, people who are way too young for this… everyone is here! You also spot a map on the wall, which comes as a massive relief. It looks like the floor you’re on is for the more populated activities: cosplay competitions, dining areas (no!), shopping, and the like. Upstairs is where you find the quieter stuff: namely, panel discussions and the chill-out room. There’ll be plenty of time for solo activities later. Right now, your absolute priority is winning friends and influencing people. The best place to do that is absolutely, undeniably, 100%: [[> THE COSPLAY COMPETITION->danniesStart]] [[> THE CHILL-OUT ROOM->WHOOPS]]

(set: $circus to false)(set: $jungle to false)(set: $temple to false)(set: $routes to 0)(set: $key to false)(set: $carrot to false)You're fascinated by the song of this pair of green trousers, and you decide to go take a closer listen. It's quite enchanting, you think to yourself. Soon, you're able to make out some of the lyrics. "Carrots! (Yeah!) There's some carrots in my tummy! Party party! (Yeah!) There's a party in my tummy!" Whoever this person is, they *really* love eating. As you walk over, the anthropomorphic pair of green pants notices you. "Oh, Heya!" says the pants. "want some carrots?" [[> YES->yesToCarrots]] [[> NO->noToCarrots]]

Raising your eyebrows, you relent and decide to approach the woman calling you over. She’s at a booth, standing in front of a massive sheet of hastily-thrown-together napkins. It appears she’s been writing some sort of plan on them. Whatever it is, the napkins do not help elucidate it. There’s also a few ketchup stains from what was once her lunch. She looks at you, smiling widely. “You’re here because you hate conventions too, right?” Hate… conventions? “You knoooow, those things that they have in hotels and conference halls and,,, yeah. Those damn things. With all the people and the stuff. I hate em. Fuck ‘em. I want ‘em all to, I dunno, explode.” You take one step back. Maybe you should go see what’s up with the-- “No, no, waitwaitwait, hold on… Let me explain myself. Siddown. Hear me out.” ...You suppose you’re willing to lend her an ear. You sit down across from her at her booth, and she livens up a bit. “Okay. So. Sooo. Here’s the deal. My name’s AltBandit, and I got fuckin’ kicked out of the TWOW Convention. You know the one. REAL big, REAL fancy-schmancy, REAL right across the street from some other lame convention. I also got kicked outta that one. Not important. Anyhoo, I go in, ‘cause I’m FROM A TWOW, and… you know what they do? You know what they do to me??? They throw me out! Say I’m ‘not even canon!’ The hell?” You nod solemnly. You can, at least, relate to dubious canonicity. “Yeah. YEAH. So here’s what I’m thinking.” She pushes her napkin quilt towards you, and it immediately falls apart. The napkins were just… next to each other, not, like, attached or anything. “Fuck. Okay. Let me explain with words. Basically, I’m gonna prank the hell outta ‘em. Revenge.” You consider for a moment. You were going to go to the comic convention, but… you know, this could be a good chance to see what the big deal is with the TWOW convention. Plus… it’s kinda massive? Like, they had the gall to open unannounced next to the comic server anyway. You figure they probably deserve whatever happens to them. And, uh, you mostly just feel kinda bad for the lady who’s drunk at a Burger King. How does that even happen?? Either way, you nod. “You’re in?? Really??? Hell yeah! Okay, okay. So. I’m gonna level with you. I had a whole… thing, like, way to get in, but it’s all kinda… awful. Wasn’t gonna work. Unless you have a book costume big enough to fit the both of us. But… you… I like the look in your eyes. I like the cut of your jib. I like the sparkle in your step. You’re, you’re, you’re gonna come up with the… the plan. Hell yeah.” The wheels immediately start turning in your head. You guess you’re breaking into the TWOW convention, and there’s only one way to do it: [[> BUST IN->bustin1]] [[> SNEAK IN->sneakin1]]

Why do anything halfway? You don’t even need to say it. You just need to give AltBandit a steely look of determination and she understands. “Hardware store. Ten minutes. I’ll sober up.” You nod. Let’s do this. [[> CONTINUE->continuebustin]]

Thinking about it… there’s some pretty cool people at the TWOW convention. In fact, most of them are cool people. If you wanna do some damage, you gotta be subtle about it, because: You don’t want anyone to know it was you. You don’t want to crash their convention too hard. Just do a quick prank, teach ‘em a lesson, and get out. Ultimately, you think the best way to do it would be the silent route. Cause some damage without any witnesses, you know? You don’t even need to say anything. You just raise one eyebrow and give AltBandit the most James Bond look you can muster. “Are youuu... about to sneeze?” Your expression falls. You try again, giving her a little crafty eyebrow wiggle. “Huuuh? Oh, no. I, uh, I’m not interested.” THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU MEANT EITHER. You roll your eyes, and mime sneaking, exaggerating each careful placement of your foot. “Ohhhh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m picking up what you’re… picking down… Let’s do this. I know a place where we can get some damn good supplies and stuff. Sound good?” You nod. You guess you’re breaking into a convention now. But… what are you going to do in there? “Listen. Listen. Okay. So. We break in, right? There’s… there’s a thing down there. They call it the Twain of Brow Central. Uh, no, fuck, I mean… the, the Brain of TWOW Central. That thing controls EVERYTHING happening there.” Oooh. That sounds like fun. But, you wonder, what are you going to do with it? “Do I look like I know? We’ll… heckin’... figure it out or something. You look smart. You take that noggin of yours--” she jabs her finger at your head-- “and you come up with something real clever to deal with the Twain of FUCK. You know what? I’m gonna sober up. You go shopping for some real sneaky stuff. Surprise me.” She slams a twenty dollar bill on the table, and teeters over to order a coffee or something. Well, that’s your cue…? You grab the 20 and make your way to the hardware store. There’s work to do. [[> A COUPLE HOURS LATER...]]

The TWOW Convention. Held in Carykh Tower, at over 100 stories tall, it dwarfs the little comic convention you thought you’d be attending. It won’t anymore when you two are done with it. You’ve spent the past few hours well: you have everything you need, and you know exactly what you’re going to do. Atop Carykh Tower sits the thing that the TWOWers hold most dear: the Glicko Machine. The sprawling hunk of metal and madness that ranks every TWOWer according to their performance, following an incredibly specific and fine-tuned algorithm. It took years to create and decades to perfect. It will take minutes to destroy. First though, you’ve gotta get up there. “Okay. Looking at this, I’m starting to see a sliiiight problem: skyscrapers are fuckin’ big.” That’s not an issue. Not as long as you have… [[> A FLASHLIGHT->bustin2]] [[> SPEEDRUN STRATS->FAILspeedrun]] [[> AMAZING JUMPING SKILLS->FAILjumpskillz]]

“Are you, uh, sure about this?” AltBandit asks, eyeing your flashlight. To the untrained eye, yes, it appears scant, but you are no untrained eye. You are a SCIENTIST. The fools of other pursuits will never understand your genius, but you attempt to explain anyway. When you point the flashlight at the ground, and turn it on, light will begin coming out of it at the speed of, well, light. Every force has an equal and opposite force, so the flashlight will begin going upwards. With the weight of two people, it should theoretically be able to launch both of you at a brisk, but manageable, velocity. “...Sure. Yeah. Okay.” AltBandit shrugs. You offer a hand, and she takes it. You point your flashlight at the ground, flick it on, and… ...Nothing. It doesn’t even turn on. [[> OH WAIT IT'S OUT OF BATTERIES]]

The plan is simple. All you have to do is clip into the space between the building and the ground at the right angle, and you'll zip immediately up to the top. You leap at the place where the building meets the curb, and succeed only in hurting your ankles. No, that's not right, you have to do it a little more like-- OW, NO, that's not it either. Maybe if you take a few steps back, you can-- no, yeouch, that just makes it hurt more. You wind up way back, dash towards the building, jump, close your eyes, and... Make it! You clip into the building OKAY HURRY NOW YOU HAVE TO HOLD UP TO ZIP OR... you'll... ...softlock. <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/749006872966856844/failclip.gif" alt="Should've run glitchless, anyway. That clip wasn't marathon-safe." width=539 height=539> [[> RETRY->bustin1]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Maybe it took a good chunk out of your bank account, but you're about to prove all those energy drinks weren't for nothing. You have an INCREDIBLE amount of energy flowing through you, and you intend to use every drop. You eye your target: the top of the building. You grab AltBandit's hand. She smiles. You squat. Focusing, you count down from 10 in your head... and then LEAP! The ground around you crumbles as you rocket into the sky, flying past all one hundred stories in a single bound, AltBandit's hand in yours-- Wait, where's, uh, the rest of her? <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748610688028639252/SPOILER_unknown.png" width="700" height="540"> [[> RETRY->bustin1]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

So it is. It’s one of those hand crank ones, so maybe if you just turn it you’ll-- WHOOSH. It works alarmingly well, and you begin rapidly accelerating into the air. You hold the flashlight as steady as you can so you won’t go veering off course, with AltBandit clutching your other hand absolutely terrified. The juice doesn’t last terribly long, though, and soon you’re slowing down as your flashlight starts flickering. Thinking quickly, you rotate it and crash into an open window. When you both hit the ground, you’re, surprisingly, still alive. “I… didn’t know flashlights could do that,” AltBandit says, nervously eyeing her phone as she gets up. “Oh, hey! Check it out.” She gestures to a nearby map of the convention. It looks like each room’s dedicated to a MiniTWOW, and there’s two rooms per floor. Good news: you’re only two floors from the top. Bad news: You’re on the other side of the floor you’re on from the staircase, meaning you’ll have to get through two rooms without getting tossed out to even make it close to the roof. You haven’t been spotted yet, because the hallways are eerily empty, but you know that there’s people on the other side of the door. “Listen, if you wanted to go for stealth, we wouldn’t have flew up the building. Let’s just fight our way through this. Here we GO!” She punctuates the final word with a kick to the door, flinging it open. On the other side of the door is the most beautiful public park you’ve ever seen. There’s a massive field of flowers, dotted with trees of various kinds, all surrounding a massive, lovely fountain. The one catch is that all of it is made of paper. A giant sign saying “PAPERTWOW” hangs over an origami paradise. You don’t have more than a few seconds to admire it, though! You have a machine to bust, and you can’t let anything distract you. You charge bravely forth into the paper forest, passerby… honestly not caring because they have no reason to. The door’s so close! Your feet collide with the paper ground, and you triumphantly reach the door in minutes. AltBandit is still in the hallway, looking sheepisly through the entrance at you. She pouts. Looking behind her, she mutters something about going to another room. You tilt your head, confused. “Look. We’ve… been spotted! We have to run away now!! Find another room!” You glance at a few people. Yeah, they’ve seen you, but they do not care at all. Not everyone’s a guard. One waves, smiling. You wave back. “Okay. Yeah. Maybe being spotted isn’t an issue. But…” She sighs. “Look. I spend, like, so much time on my perfect skin every morning. Hell if I’m gonna get a papercut during my revenge. I am not walking across paper.” You roll your eyes. You guess this is your problem. Fortunately, while this issue may have had the element of surprise, you have the element of… [[> EARTH]] [[> WIND]] [[> FIRE]]

EARTH: Rolling your eyes, you lay down a roll of sod and topsoil. AltBandit walks across the new dirt and the two of you pass into the only other conference hall on the floor. Gone are the paper trees and folded fountain: this next room is a lot more practical, and appears to be a sort of recording studio/radio station. Several employees speak into microphones of various sized and qualities. Two especially nice-looking comrades argue over a pizza restaurant’s semantics on one end of the room. On the other, someone smashes a plate and screams into a headset. A group of onlookers stop their recording to applaud. As you and your friend-to-be waltz in, expecting as calm a reception as you received in the last room, everyone freezes. A few click their pause buttons as everyone in the room turns to stare at their new and unwelcome guests. One person’s eyes widen as they recognize your compatriot. “Isn’t that… the lady who came in here this morning and tried to hijack the recording?” AltBandit smiles nervously. “That was… er… my roommate. Oh, the antics she--” She is interrupted by a booming voice from both the PA system and give feet away. “Attention staff and esteemed guests: AltBandit, a non-canon and non-welcome member, has returned to the building. If you see a lady with green hair and a greener dress, report to convention staff immediately. Cool? Cool. Alright.” Twenty hands immediately reach for phones as the two of you dash for the exit. The jig’s up now, and you need to go a LOT faster. You make it to the door, pummel through, and start dashing up the stairs as alarms start to blare. You turn to AltBandit, wondering what the hell that was about. “Um. I may have… had a few drinks and then… tried to come back? And then got thrown out again.” But why?? That sounded like an awful idea! “...” She blushes. “Podcast TWOW is a canon TWOW. I was hoping that if I could, uh, be a guest on it, I might be considered canon. Real. Someone who’s not just a character, y’know?” Gone is her characteristic bravado, as she sags, humiliated. You wonder why she doesn’t just go to the comic convention, then? That one’s definitely for characters like her. “I mean… I’m in, like, one small comic, right? I don’t think I’d be welcome there. And even if I was, like, there’s a much cooler convention happening right next door over here. Even if it’s not the comic place’s fault, it’d suck to know I was settling for second place.” Well… it looks like there’s only one thing to do here. Obviously, you could try to work through her issue and help her feel proud of who she is or whatever. Or, you could make a big machine explode. And, honestly, doesn’t that sound so much cooler? You point up the stairs. Time to go. She nods. You two have a mission to complete. Up the stairs, you see you have a choice between two rooms! Both doors are closed. One has light coming through the crack under the door, and the other doesn’t. One door is red, one pitch black. [[> GO THROUGH THE BLACK DOOR]] [[> GO THROUGH THE RED DOOR]]

You summon a light gust of wind to blow away the paper ground and expose the normal floor underneath. Spilling through one open window and out the other, all it succeeds in doing is making the origami grass waver a bit. It looks lovely, but it's not enough. You increase the wind. The trees bend a bit, and a flower goes loose and flies out the window, but the ground remains steadfast. You increase the wind. People are falling over, trees are being ripped apart, but it's still NOT ENOUGH. YOU INCREASE THE WIND. THERE IS A GALE BLOWING THROUGH. THE FLOOR IS FLAPPING WILDLY. YOU'RE ALMOST THERE. BUT IT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH. YOU INCREASE THE WIND, AND <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748567254291185724/unknown.png" width=960 height=540> [[> RETRY->> OH WAIT IT'S OUT OF BATTERIES]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Someone is watering the plants. Well, rather, they're pouring origami water droplets out of an origami watering can into some origami petunias. They'll be perfect. You walk up to them oozing confidence, and place one hand on their shoulder. You tell them to listen up and listen good, because the convention has decided that they're no longer necessary. They've done some good work, yeah, but they've also done some less-than-good work. Basically, they should probably start emailing out their resume if they know what you mean. They do. They take a step back, dazed, almost catatonic, glancing around as their breathing gets faster and faster. With an unsteady hand, they reach for their phone and dial a number. "H-h-honey, I have bad news. I... can't afford the treatment anymore. I've been sacked." They wince as a shrill shriek shears through. "No, you-- no, I can-- I have no idea how-- thirty-five years I've-- no, please, fuck, no, honey, oh my god, you--" and then they drop the phone. Before, they looked panicked. Now, they just look dead. They turn to you, eyes glazed, staring through you like you're not even there. Finally, they lift one foot, and then they other, and begin trudging to who-knows where. The guy who was waving at you before stops waving. They give you a thumbs down. AltBandit rolls her eyes. "That was hilarious and all, but I'm stiiiill stuck here. You working on that?" [[> EARTH]] [[> WIND]]

It is pitch dark in here. As soon as the door slams behind you, you are both completely blind. You walk forward, and immediately bump into a table. Your thighs are practically on fire, and you start tearing up. Who knew tables were so EVIL? AltBandit elbows you sharply in the side. You snap back to attention, and see… a bunch of dancing green lights, in the darkness. You hear muttering, too. “Yep. That’s her. And her weird accomplice, too.” “Looks like they don’t have night vision, either. Perfect. They’ll be sitting ducks.” “Get ‘em!” You need to get on their level and be able to see, NOW. [[> TRUSTY FLASHLIGHT!]] [[> FEEL AROUND FOR A LIGHT SWITCH]] [[> "MARCO!"]]

The soft lighting and elegantly-decorated door betrays what’s inside: a beautiful banquet. Tens of tables, all full, are lined up. Around them are folks dressed in the most exquisite of outfits, and on them is a meal more elaborate than any you’ve seen in movies. They’re eating massive plates of calamari, garnished with various herbs and spices. A few people are lined up, reading monologues on a stage. A judge takes notes, grimacing. On another stage (yes there are two stages), a magician cackles wildly as she performs magic tricks you previously thought impossible. She proclaims that she’s the greatest magician in the WORLD! AltBandit blushes. “We have to go. Pick the other path.” This again? She turns to you, and she looks COMPLETELY different from normal. Completely gone is any modicum of confidence. She tries not to make eye contact with the magician, sweating. “Listen. We cannot fuck up this room. Go the other way. Please.” The magician turns, recognizing AltBandit, and smiles. She waves. AltBandit grabs your hand. “NOW.” She yanks you back out of the room, and you go through the other door instead. [[> GUESS WE'RE GOING THROUGH THE BLACK DOOR, WHATEVER->> GO THROUGH THE BLACK DOOR]]

You still have your flashlight! You crank it up, turn it on, and immediately launch at light speed out a window. <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748610482117804212/SPOILER_unknown.png" width=960 height=540> [[> RETRY->> GO THROUGH THE BLACK DOOR]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

You stumble in the direction of a wall, and start sliding your hands along it. Aha! A light switch! You flick it anAAAAAAAAAAAA <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748610532063314031/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> GO THROUGH THE BLACK DOOR]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Maybe you don’t need to see- just to have a fighting chance to escape from everyone. You shout “Marco!” and almost automatically everyone responds with a “Polo!” You nudge AltBandit, and she does the same. Between the two of you, your shouting helps you figure out where they are (and, more importantly, where they aren’t) allowing you to dodge the tables and get to the other side. You jam your hand out and slam it into the door handle, screaming as AltBandit grabs the door and pulls you through. She slams it and you both start running again. Just one flight of stairs left. You’re so close. You emerge on the rooftop, and look up. The Glicko Machine is absolutely massive. A bunch of guards and conventiongoers burst through the doors. “There she is!” AltBandit nods at you. “I’ll hold them off. You got this, right?” You nod back. You shake her hand once, and then run towards the machine. The guards are after her, and don’t notice you. Screens cover the machine like pores, filling every inch of it with information. Spreadsheets. Video feeds, live and recorded. Pictures of TWOWers flash by. A printer is constantly printing out receipts of data and rankings, and ten screens display the top ten, the de-facto rulers of the community. Ahead of you is a keyboard and mouse. You have access to all of it. You… [[> DESTROY THE MACHINE]] [[> ALLOW TWIST TWOWS]] [[> MAKE YOURSELF HAVE THE HIGHEST GLICKO]]

You pull out the last tool in your arsenal: a wrench. You throw it into the workings of the machine, deep in the belly of the beast. Immediately, a horrid grinding and clanking sound begins as the machine stops. One by one, and then two by two, the screens fizzle and go dead. The last screens to go are those of the top ten: first cobaltforever's screen goes blank, then mazuat. terminatedslime789, Dark, and thenamesh all disappear. Oshawott's screen goes dead, then PlasmicTrojan's, Lady Molyb's, TieTiePerson's... and finally, as the machine stops, KittenRuler's face fades away. Glicko is dead. You turn around. AltBandit is gone. Captured. You sag. What was it all for? And... how are you going to get down? You have so many questions, you don't notice the tremendous machine starting to topple. <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748596196280369273/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> "MARCO!"]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Perhaps the key to destroying Glicko isn’t… literally destroying it. After all, like, don’t more rankings pop up every time one gets a little crusty? Perhaps the key is making it useless. With an evil grin, you tab over to the list of allowed TWOWs. There’s so much thought put into who gets to be on Glicko, because you can’t just go incentivizing bad performance or inflating scores. Well, you can, and you will. You hit CMD-A, and then enter. The top ten changes drastically, and so does every other score. The folks capturing AltBandit suddenly let go and check their phones, watching their scores wildly change. The two of you exchange a glance, and then turn and run. Cackling, you both head back down the stairs. Every single person you pass is checking their phones, sweating. A few smart-looking people are typing updates, disgruntled. Someone runs upstairs to check on the machine. It will take days to fix and figure out which TWOWs can be ranked again. In the meantime, their ranking system is gone. You take the stairs all the way down, just to watch everyone’s reactions. Finally, the two of you walk out the door and back to the restaurant. You’re both drinking milkshakes and having a slice of Chicago-style pizza. (Yum.) You toast, celebrating your success. You’re still a bit worried that it was kind of… cruel? Doing what you did. “Eh. I mean, whatever. They’ve got backups or whatever, right? It was just cathartic, you know? I needed to do something like that.” She gives you a meaningful look. “And I suppose you helped quite a bit yourself. I’ve had my fair share of accomplices, but you are an awful good one.” You smile. It was pretty fun helping. “You know, maybe they hit me the hardest, but there’s a bunch of other people I’d like to get back at. Wanna have a look at my prank hitlist?” You’d want nothing more. <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748601585453629532/unknown.png" width=960 height=540> GOOD JOB, SPORT! YOU WIN! BUT PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO... [[> TRY SNEAKIN' IN->sneakin1]] [[> GO BACK ONE CHOICE->> "MARCO!"]] [[> GO ALL THE WAY BACK->PRESS START 1P]]

...You know what? This whole mission's been about her. It's been about AltBandit wanting to get revenge on AltBandit's enemies for hurting AltBandit. It's all AltBandit, AltBandit, AltBandit? What about YOU? What about what you want?? Don't you deserve to be happy, too? You're done with friendship. It's time for you to have your own win. You open the database and search your own name. There you are, towards the bottom. You add a few zeroes to your score, turn to the top ten... and there you are, smiling proudly. As AltBandit gets dragged away, she's horrified. "You... what..." You smile and wave. You figure you'll be polite to her, but you don't need to interact with her now. You'll have LOTS of friends, soon. You're on top. Unfortunately it turns out that there's a whole team that checks this stuff and your score's gone in five minutes, but hey, those were a pretty good five minutes? <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748598259659964566/SPOILER_unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> "MARCO!"]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Evening falls over the convention. The party will continue into the night, of course. Which is exactly what you need. There’s a few guards stationed outside the entrances. A bit more sober, but probably less than she believes, AltBandit walks up to you. “Hey again. So, here’s the deal. Everyone here kinda… knows my face really well? They don’t know you, though, so, like… if we wanna sneak in, I cannot be seen. Cool?” You suppose that’s alright. Because you have a plan for how you want to get in! [[> FAKE SHIPMENT]] [[> DISGUISE]]

You’ve scoped out the place a bit, and you know that in just a few minutes they’ll be getting a visit from a certain truck driver. They stop by every few hours, delivering the latest ballots and raw materials for the Glicko machine. If you can get AltBandit on that truck, she’ll get in, no problem. You tell AltBandit to wait, just out of sight. She shrugs and complies. You, meanwhile, head to where you know the truck’s going to be. You look Perfectly Average enough that the guards assume you’re passerby, and turn their attention away from you. You’re far enough away from the convention center that you’re not on their turf, and they’re having a conversation they seem to be very invested in. The truck pulls up in the lot, and starts to advance on the building. You jump in front of the truck, and the driver pulls to a stop. You clutch at your chest, gasping at the air, flailing your arms wildly. The driver runs out of the car to check on you. You wave at AltBandit, and she dashes over and hits them in the head with a hammer. “Looks like someone’s hardcore.” Hey, you do aim to please. You step over the unconscious driver and get in their seat. With a press of a button on the dash, you pop open the back and AltBandit gets in. You drive forth towards the loading bay, up to two more guards. “‘Ey, guv. You the Glicko guy?” You nod. The truck says exactly what you’re here with: VERBOSITY™ META(LS) & BALLOTS. “A’ight. Says so on your truck, I trust you. Get in ‘ere.” With a smile and a wave, you’re in the loading bay. You park the truck in the corner. During the day, there’d be folks here to help you unload, but right now they’re all either asleep or at the convention. It’s just you, AltBandit, and two guards a ways away at the doors. There's also some guy staring at a poster, but he's so focused he doesn't notice you come in. The door’s obviously not big enough to fit a truck, so to get sneak those guards you’ll need some sort of distraction. Fortunately, you have: [[> ALLOYS]] [[> ALPHABET VOTING]] [[> ALTBANDIT]]

You proudly display your creation to AltBandit: a massive cardboard box, repainted to look like a book. You pop it open and crawl inside, beckoning for her to follow. “That’s… uh… no?” Come on. You beckon again, more urgently. She just needs to crawl inside and-- “Come on. There’s gotta be a way that doesn’t involve that.” You sigh. You worked really hard on this thing. “Fiiine. I trust you, I guess.” She crawls in and closes the flap. You show her where to stick out one arm and one leg. You do the same, and the two of you try walking. “This is REALLY uncomfortable. How many hours did you spend on this??” Too many. You begin your labored journey towards the convention center. It’s hard walking with one leg each, but you manage, until you’re interrupted by a piercing “hey!!!” You stop, not sure if you’ve run into someone. “Huh?” AltBandit asks, putting on a deep voice. She sounds like a twelve-year-old mall santa. “What can I help you with, friend?” “don’t you dare heckin’ give me that. are you cramping my style?” “Cramping your what, buddy?” “do NOT buddy me. heck off. that is my look and you are stealing it. hey, everyone!! this loser’s cramping my style!!!” Immediately you hear more footsteps, more breathing, and… camera shutters? You feel like you’re suddenly the center of a rather large crowd. “yeah, everyone, check out this guy! looks exactly like me, but is CLEARLY cramping my style! ‘friend,’ ‘buddy,’ i hope you like my one hundred and seventy-nine Instagram followers. see you on the cover of the newspaper!” <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748699010012807209/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> A COUPLE HOURS LATER...]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

You open up the back of the truck, careful to avoid revealing AltBandit to the guards. There's a lot of metal and stuff in here, so maybe you can just... throw it at the guards or something? You don't know. You go for a pretty reasonably-sized hunk of metal, and bend over to pick it up. You grab it, and heave with all your might, but it is REALLY heavy. Your heaving catches the attention of the guards, who start walking towards you. "Hey, want some help with that?" You shake your head vehemently. You're fine, really. It'll just-- "No, no, we insist! Normally there's a guy for that, but, like, he really wanted to catch a panel. I'd be happy to help you lift that." You wave your arms in protest. You're alright, honest, you-- "Aw, no, it's alright, don't be... shy..." <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748690857439264808/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> FAKE SHIPMENT]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Well, there are a bunch of ballots here. You stick your hand in a sack of them, pull out one, and write [SCREEN ABCDEFG] on it. You walk over to the guards, put on your best innocent face, and hand it to the guard. You’re voting for… hmmm… TWOW, and you want to see if your vote’s formatted right. “Buddy,” one of the guards says, “did you just alphabet vote?” Well… you’re… not really sure how to vote. You frown, shrugging. “First time?” You nod. “Makes sense. Here, let me write up an example screen.” The other guard gets in on it. “Hold on. You wanna make sure your example screen has, like, a nine-worder and an eleven-worder. This is--” “That’s ten words. Put in a filler word here.” “Uh, what were the filler words again?” “Well, uh, for one.” “You keep saying that, but I think it adds so much personality!” “Yeah, but there’s so many better uses for that one-word space!” While they’re bickering on how to best help you, you frantically gesture to AltBandit and the two of you slip in. You’re in a stairwell now. Upstairs: a massive convention and a whole lot of people. Downstairs: the center of operations of the whole event. You know which way you’re going. “You’re very committed to this. For someone I just met in a restaurant, I’m very impressed.” You smile. You’re just good at this sort of thing. You have a bit of a knack for blending in, given your… unassuming appearance and all. “I can tell. You’re scary good.” You shrug. You’re pretty good, you guess. You both arrive at the bottom of the stairs. Up ahead is something that everybody knows about, but precious few have seen in person. The Skull of TWOW Central. Inside that dome resides the Brain, the AI that controls the whole convention. You figure now’s a good time to inject a bit of craftsmanship into it. What better way to infiltrate the heart of the TWOW convention than with the work of its greatest rival? You decide to pull a Dank Reference out of your playbook and get in with… [[> CLOUD POWERS]] [[> ANOMALY: TUESDAY'S CRAB]] [[> ENRAGED WATER COOLER]]

You hop in the back of the truck with AltBandit, gesturing to the door. "What?" You tilt your head towards the exit, wincing. "You... want ME to do it? Heck no, they'll see me!" Fine. If that's how she wants to play it, that's how she'll play it. You'll just wait right here until she gets up. "What are you doing? Get out there and make a distraction!" You shake your head. You did the truck thing. That was pretty cool. It's her turn. "We're not on a TURN SYSTEM!" She seethes. "I don't care HOW you deal with those guards, just--" "You know, I actually do kind of mind? Not in the face, please." <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748692018250776616/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> FAKE SHIPMENT]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Aw, heck yeah! You decide to summon yourself some fancy new CLOUD POWERS. You make one big enough that you can ride on it, and another for AltBandit. You charge forth towards the skull, and… SLAM. You splat against the wall of the skull in an instant, as the cloud passes right through. AltBandit comes flying in behind you, and also slams into the skull. The difference is that, the skull weakened by your own gaffe, her impact lets her punch right through. The side of the skull you’re on collapses in, and when you get up you’re standing in front of a floating blue twain. BRAIN. Whoops. “HELLO. I AM THE BRAIN OF TWOW CENTRAL. WHY ARE YOU HERE.” You put on your best “people face,” ignoring your bloody nose. You’re glad it asked! You’re here to... [[> SHUT YOU DOWN]] [[> REPROGRAM YOU]] [[> ASK YOU NICELY TO MESS UP THE CONVENTION]]

You decide to summon the CRAB THAT ONLY APPEARS ON TUESDAYS! It's... It's Thursday, isn't it. Uh... [[> HAHA, WHOOPS, I MEANT THE ONE WITH THE WATER->> ENRAGED WATER COOLER]] [[> MY BAD, I MEANT THE CLOUD STUFF->> CLOUD POWERS]]

You decide to summon an ENRAGED WATER COOLER to smash open the skull! By summon, you of course mean "call them on the phone." Unfortunately, they have... some sort of family emergency thing... really important... they can't make it, but how about next week quite possibly maybe they should just go ahead and call you? You knew you should've picked the one that only tells the truth. [[OH WELL, GUESS I'M SUMMONING A CRAB->> ANOMALY: TUESDAY'S CRAB]] [[AH, DARN, GUESS I GOTTA USE SOME FUNNY CLOUD POWERS->> CLOUD POWERS]]

...do a quick maintenance check. If it could just turn off all of its senses for a moment? “NO. THAT’S… I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY ABOUT TO--” You just straight-up punch it. It stops hovering and falls to the floor, sparking. You say a cool one-liner about how it didn’t have the right skull set for the job. AltBandit rolls her eyes. An alarm begins blaring, presumably because your one-liner was just that cool. Sound the sirens. A frantic voice over the loudspeaker talks about how all of the defenses have just gone down, probably because you slipped right past them with that burn. A tearful voice warns that the Book Empire is coming, that it’ll be here any second, that they’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this, and why isn’t the Brain responding… Oh. The Book Empire’s coming. AltBandit looks towards you with horror. You turn towards her, and… [[> SMILE A WICKED GRIN]] [[> PANIC]] [[> STAY CALM]]

...make a few updates. After all, software ages! The Brain might not realize it, but it is QUITE out of date and really needs a software update. You ask your friend Abigail to confirm. AltBandit looks around for an Abigail, and then realizes it's supposed to be her. She nods profusely. "Yes. Your version of... Microsoft Word... is very very old! You have to try the latest one." "I AM COMPLETELY UP TO DATE AT ALL TIMES. I AM CONSTANTLY SEARCHING FOR NEW UPDATES." That's the thing, though. The Brain missed one thing. You remind it that it forgot to search for SECRET updates. "SECRET... UPDATES? I AM NOT FAMILIAR WITH THIS CONCEPT." You tell it not to worry about it. This will only take a moment. You gesture to AltBandit to start hacking or whatever. She gives you an exasperated look, and then starts pacing around, looking for any sort of interface. There's no computers around, or keyboards, or anything interactive, except the brain itself. Maybe she just needs to poke it in the right place to change its structure? <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748689191298269254/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> CLOUD POWERS]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

...cancel the convention. It's gotta end early, for... reasons. You ask if the Brain would be willing to shut everything down. "PLEASE ENTER AUTHORIZATION. WHAT IS YOUR PASSWORD?" You... uh... password... AltBandit? "Nope." She shrugs. "You had it." Wow, she's really throwing you under the bus here! You tell the Brain that you forgot. "OH. THEN I FORGOT HOW TO SHUT DOWN THE CONVENTION." Rrrgh. This thing is officially the biggest smartass to ever be only artificially smart and not have a modicum of ass. You ask... very nicely... what the procedure is for resetting your password? "WELL, FIRST I NEED TO ASK YOU SOME SECURITY QUESTIONS." Security questions? Hm. Maybe you'll be able to take those on. You nod. "QUESTION ONE. WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME?" You... maiden name? That's... uh... Smith, right? "INCORRECT. SELF-DESTRUCTING IN 30 SECONDS." Self-destructing?! "29... 28..." <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748693742201995396/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> CLOUD POWERS]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

“What.” It worked. You can’t believe it. It actually WORKED. You finally found a sap dumb enough to help you break in this joint. She knew where the Brain was, and you did the rest. You radio for help. Your team will be here in a few minutes. Without the Brain, the convention’s powerless to stop the arrival of the Book Empire. Hundreds of plainclothes grunts throughout the convention ditch their disguises and begin assimilating guests directly above you. A few grunts join you in the skull, climbing through the hole your “partner” made. You tell AltBandit to say goodbye to being a boring, weird lady in a restaurant and hello to the most fantastic opportunity she’ll ever get in her life. Once she’s converted, you stroll upstairs with confidence and an entourage. One of your pals from work is waiting in the truck. God damn, he’s good. You hop in the side, and your buddy drives you back to the base. You did good today. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_DejnFhrG8SdpBTeO6tkG2AAIUTkp7G-N39UqEefg-oNhBpqTN4PFRJZ3tts6p2vJ_2bT_gSFeAnQh1_ZNLdefRQASigCzGkioeh2tREfz0cyUXDWLJqKzEjyIrbgqoi4bx00LDQ" height=540 width=960> GOOD JOB, SPORT! YOU WIN! BUT PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO... [[> TRY BUSTIN' IN->bustin1]] [[> GO BACK ONE CHOICE->> SHUT YOU DOWN]] [[> GO ALL THE WAY BACK->PRESS START 1P]]

In fact, you just straight up start screaming in her face. She starts screaming too. “You were supposed to be the cool one!” In a daze, you start unleashing everything in your arsenal. You need to get out of there NOW go go go go go go heck heck heck heck heck heck. You immediately summon cloud powers, shoving her onto a cloud and flying before she knows what’s happening. You try to summon the crab that only appears on Tuesdays, but it’s Thursday. You try to dial a friend who has a halberd and is a water cooler, but your hands are shaking too much and you drop your phone off the cloud. No time to get that. You send your clouds, and by extension you and AltBandit, rocketing up through the ceiling. You smash through and into the loading bay, where the Book Empire’s already there, in your truck no god damn less. You summon another cloud inside of the truck, and your hand shaking turns out to work in your favor when it bounces around flinging alloys out like Angry Birds. They hit several grunts. AltBandit hops off her cloud and charges at a few more grunts, punching them out, not entirely sure what she’s doing, hyperventilating. Your head isn’t the clearest, either, and in an attempt to get your thoughts straight you grab a bunch of ballots and start scribbling on them. Confident you’ve done everything you can, you pull AltBandit back onto your cloud and rocket out of there. As you fly off into the distance, you spare a look behind you at the TWOW Convention. It’s been obliterated. The Book Empire is storming it, destroying everything, assimilating people by the dozens. A Book Empire flag flies where the Glicko machine once was. The place is a mess. Bright side? They completely ignore the comic convention. Both of you exchange a glance, and turn. <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/swNGst19hNijGZeI2I1V3PSWaXV4sgUcrm3CmANR0FX0ie3aRjLUMo3vTrh5q1sr_M49vzXcRe3ff0BdlqIiGFlhXpUfWhg1PoZm7Vu94xKfAz8jpnpSpsSTLcaKtb4w_mOI1Ine" height=540 width=960> GOOD JOB, SPORT! YOU WIN! BUT PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO... [[> TRY BUSTIN' IN->bustin1]] [[> GO BACK ONE CHOICE->> SHUT YOU DOWN]] [[> GO ALL THE WAY BACK->PRESS START 1P]]

There's nothing to worry about. You just need to be rational, retrace your steps, and get out of there. You speed-walk through the skull wall, AltBandit close behind. You both dash up the stairs. The guards in the loading bay are dead. In their place, a whole bunch of Book Empire grunts. They've already gotten to the bay. One's in your god damn truck. Before you can say a word, they're on the attack. <img src="https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/530264528194371586/748688298616029234/unknown.png" height=540 width=960> [[> RETRY->> SHUT YOU DOWN]] [[> START OVER->altbanditSTART]] [[> START ALL THE WAY OVER->PRESS START 1P]]

Uh oh, partner. This route ain't done yet. Looks like you're in the mood for a crowd after all. [[> WELL, DARN->danniesStart]]

(set: $fail to false)You decide to go to the cosplay aisle of the convention, where everyone goes to show off their cosplays of actual CBW comic characters! (and also various superhero cosplays for some reason.) It’s quite crowded, as everyone is trying to both watch and get on the showoff stage. You have to push your way through a bunch of wacky characters to be able to move at all. However, armed with your weapons of “sorry” and “excuse me”, you manage to get out on the other side of the crowd- or so you thought. While walking, you look back one last time to see the crowd full of incompatible canons, and you accidentally run right into someone and you both crash to the floor! You get up and take a look at who you crashed into. At first you think it’s someone totally normal, but then upon further inspection, you realize it’s actually Real Danny from the cough totally famous cough comic, The Anniversary! It’s easy to recognize her with her ginger hair and the clever disguise. However, to your great displeasure, as she gets up she starts yelling at you with an unfamiliar accent. Real Danny(?): “HEY! What the hell’s your problem?! Don’t you look where you’re going?! Now look at me, my shirt is totally ruined!” She points to a tiny mark you didn’t even notice that seems to be the same color as her shirt. Real Danny(?): “You better pay up!” ???: “No, YOU’RE gonna pay!” Suddenly, right after delivering that awesome one-liner, someone behind Real Danny pushes her back to the ground. It’s… also Real Danny? This one doesn’t have a clever disguise, but otherwise they’re identical. Oh, and the accent is more accurate. Probably. The Anniversary doesn’t have audio, so you wouldn’t know. Real Danny the First: “Ow! What are you doing?!” Real Danny the Second: “I should ask you that! What’s your deal, going around acting like a jerk to people, tarnishing MY NAME!” RD the First: “Bitch, please, if anyone is tarnishing the real one’s name here, it’s YOU. I mean, come on, no clever disguise? How lazy are you? Did you just get out of bed like that and call that a cosplay?” RD the Second: “Well at least I have the dignity to not be an asshole to people who don’t deserve it!” She turns to you. “Are you okay? You didn’t get hurt too bad from the fall, did you?” RD the First: “Wow, real cool of you to suck up to them. Too bad it’s not going to work, you’re still lame as hell.” She also turns to you. “Hey. You. Tell us. Which one of us is more Real Danny than the other?” RD the Second: rolls her eyes “Considering I’m actually Real Danny, it’s a pretty obvious choice.” [[> The first one is the real one->wrong1]] [[> The second one is the real one]]

RD the Second: “Are you serious? Whatever. You can do whatever you want, I need to go anyway.” She goes off, leaving you with just the first Real Danny. Real Danny: “As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, you’re going to have to fork over some cash to replace my RUINED shirt.” Well, you’re not going to argue with the real Real Danny. You take out the cash you were planning to use for the convention and hand it over to her to pay for the surprisingly expensive shirt she was wearing. In response, she walked off without even saying thanks. You sigh. That entire experience was exhausting and demoralizing, and you don’t even have money to spend on anything that could make you feel better. You depressingly drag yourself around the convention, but it’s already been ruined for you. An hour after you got here, you decide that there’s no point being here if you’re not enjoying yourself, so you decide to leave the convention early. You go back to your home, and after looking at some memes, you sigh one last time and go to bed at 7 PM. Sure, you didn’t expect this day to go perfectly, but this was really.. not fun. Oh well. Maybe next year. [[> IT'S REWIND TIME->danniesStart]] [[> IT'S REALLY REWIND TIME.->PRESS START 1P]]

RD the Second: “Yeah, thank you.” She turns to the first, fake Real Danny. “Now go away and stop bothering people, faker!” The cosplayer scoffs and walks off, disappearing quickly into the crowd. Meanwhile, the other Real Danny turns to you. Real Danny: “Listen, I’m not a cosplayer like her. I’m really Danny from The Anniversary! That’s why I cared so much about her being mean to people while pretending to be me! ...Well, I mean, people shouldn't be mean anyway, but, you know." Wow! It's really Real Danny! ..Well, you don't want to bother her. Content with solving this conflict, you start walking away, but Real Danny stops you before you can disappear. Real Danny: "Hey, um, you wouldn't mind helping me out with something, would you? See, all the Dannys from The Anniversary are here, but I have no idea where they are, and with all the cosplayers and whatnot around it's really hard to tell which is which! And you seem to be good at telling which Danny is real and which isn't, so..." Well, this is a good excuse to tour the convention anyway. You agree to help Real Danny find all the other Dannys. Real Danny: "Great! Thank you so much. Um, all I need you to do is find the real- ah dang can't use that adjective- find the authentic version of each Danny." Real Danny: "First off you should start with Chibi Danny. She's the only one with no connection to any other comic other than The Anniversary, so she should be pretty easy to find. She's probably going to hang around something themed around The Anniversary, and I think there's a cafe somewhere here themed around that, so you should look there." Real Danny: "After that you should look for Teal Danny. She's from Robupmay, so she's probably going to be in the Robupmay mixer. Since much more people are fans of that than The Anniversary, her cosplayers are probably going to be a lot more accurate, so this is probably going to be more difficult- but I believe in you!" Real Danny: "Finally, you'll have to find Firecracker Danny. She's... not a comic character, but there's a TWOW convention going on in the building next door, so she's probably there. But it's a huge building, so, I have no idea where she could be there... You're on your own at that point." Real Danny: "Thanks a bunch for doing this! You're the best!!! Oh, and one final thing- when you do find the authentic gals, just tell them to go to staff room 8 at 6 PM. I just want a little privacy, y'know? I don't want to bother anyone, or for anyone to be bothering us!" ...Did you write that down? Gosh, that was a lot. Well, too late to back out now, I guess. May as well start with Chibi Danny. [[> Continue to The Anniversary Cafe]]

Following Real Danny’s instructions and using the convenient convention map you were given at the entrance, you arrive at The Anniversary Cafe. It’s fairly empty, and it’s not very well made- it’s clearly just a generic fast food joint with pictures of The Anniversary characters stapled on the walls. Which is to be expected, it’s not a very mainstream comic after all. Also, they serve Chicago style pizza. Yuck. Out of the few people in this place, you spot 3 people who look like Chibi Danny. One that’s talking and laughing with a group of people that cosplay various characters from unrelated comics, one that seems pretty sad and is just eating on her lonesome, and one that is yelling at the poor teenager waiter. Which one do you approach? [[> The one in the group]] [[> The one on her own]] [[> The one yelling at a waiter]]

As you approach the group, you’re able to hear the conversation they’re having. ???: “You’re kidding.” Chibi Danny(?): “I swear on my mother, she really thought it was real! I mean, it’s red, in what world-” They stop conversing once they notice you’re there. Chibi Danny(?): “...uh, can I help you?” You: “Yeah, uh… Are you the real Chibi Danny?” She blinks at you before answering. Chibi Danny(?): “...Yeah, sure I am. Listen, could you go refill this cup for me? Y’know, just to help Chibi Danny out.” She hands you a cup, and before you can say anything, she turns back to her group and starts talking again, probably signaling you to leave. You figure it couldn’t hurt to help her out, so you go to the soda refill machine. Which is pretty pathetic. It only has 2 options, Coke and Diet Coke. Which one should you go with? [[> Coke]] [[> Diet Coke]]

You approach her, and notice that other than food, there's a bunch of blank pieces of paper on the table. Chibi Danny seems to be staring at the paper, with a tired expression on her face. Well, you can't ask anyone to go anywhere if they're in a mood like that! You: "Hey, is everything okay?" She looks up at you, and clearly tries her hardest to look cheerful. Chibi Danny(?): "Yeah, don't worry about me!" You: "You sure there's nothing I can do to make you feel better?" She lets her smile drop a bit. Chibi Danny(?): "Well, I'm just a bit bummed that I can't find any motivation to continue the comic I'm drawing for someone. Every time I try to draw it, it takes so long and it never comes out good anyway..." How do you cheer Chibi Danny up? [[> Peptalk]] [[> Buy her food]]

You approach the scene despite not really wanting to take part in the drama. Chibi Danny(?): “How about next time you don’t be an idiot?” Waiter: “I’m really sorry..” Chibi Danny(?): “Seriously, how hard is it to hear? All I asked for was a chocolate shake. Vanilla doesn’t even sound similar to chocolate!” Waiter: “W-we’ll give you a refund…” Chibi Danny(?): “Christ, just give me the right shake! I don’t need your stupid refund, everything here is so dirt cheap anyway that this pocket change isn’t going to make me feel any better!” As the waiter runs off, Chibi Danny finally notices you. Chibi Danny(?): “Huh? Do you need anything?” [[> Choose this one as the real one->badchoiceCHIBI]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutCHIBI]]

...Well, if she wanted the diet version, she’d probably specify before telling you. You walk back with a full cup and hand it to Chibi Danny. Chibi Danny(?): "Thanks. I hope it's diet. Counting my calories is the only way I'm gonna stay like I am!" She chuckles at her insensitive joke. Welp. Hopefully she doesn't notice. Chibi Danny(?): "Anyway, what did you want?" [[> Choose this one as the real one->badchoiceCHIBI]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutCHIBI]]

Diet Coke tastes better anyway. You walk back with a full cup and hand it to Chibi Danny. Chibi Danny(?): "Thanks. I hope it's diet. Counting my calories is the only way I'm gonna stay like I am!" She chuckles at her insensitive joke. Nice! You guessed correctly. Chibi Danny(?): "Anyway, what did you want?" [[> Choose this one as the real one->badchoiceCHIBI]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutCHIBI]]

(set: $fail to true)You: "Yeah, uh, I have a message for you. Could you come to.." You whisper her the address and time, so no one else hears. Chibi Danny: "Uhm, alright." Well, that takes care of that. Time to move onto Teal Danny! [[> Move on to Teal Danny]]

There's one that’s talking and laughing with a group of people that cosplay various characters from unrelated comics, one that seems pretty sad and is just eating on her lonesome, and one that is yelling at the poor teenager waiter. Don't, um, worry about what happens if you choose the same one twice and you have to play through the event again. Let's just say you're reminding yourself of the memory of talking to them. Which one do you approach? [[> The one in the group]] [[> The one on her own]] [[> The one yelling at a waiter]]

You: “Hey, whoever you’re drawing it for, I’m sure they’re going to love it no matter how much time it takes! I’m sure they’re just happy that you’re willing to do this for them, you know?” Chibi Danny(?): “..Yeah, you’re right, I just wish I could convince myself to do it more..” You: “Well, don’t force it! Just try your best and that’s enough, y’know?” Chibi Danny(?): “Yeah! It’s not moe to be sad all the time, anyway.” She sticks her tongue out. She seems to feel a bit better. Chibi Danny(?): “Anywho, did you need anything?” [[> Choose this one as the real one->goodchoiceCHIBI]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutCHIBI]]

You: “Just a sec.” You walk away from her and to the counter. You order the sweetest-looking thing on the menu: A strawberry shortcake. Sugar always cheers people up! Once it’s ready, you walk back to Chibi Danny and present to her. When she sees it, her eyes light up and she smiles widely. Chibi Danny(?): “For me?? Oh my gosh, thank you so much!” She eats a couple bites, then insists you need to eat some as well. You join her and you both demolish the cake so quickly that you only realize how delicious it is when there’s nothing but crumbs left. Chibi Danny(?): “Thanks, I really needed that. It’s really nice of you to do something like that for me! If there’s anything you need from me, I’ll do my best!” [[> Choose this one as the real one->goodchoiceCHIBI]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutCHIBI]]

You: "Yeah, uh, I have a message for you. Could you come to.." You whisper her the address and time, so no one else hears. Chibi Danny: "Uhm, alright." Well, that takes care of that. Time to move onto Teal Danny! [[> Move on to Teal Danny]]

Next up is Teal Danny. Like Real Danny said, she’s probably in the Robupmay mixer, which after a bunch of confusion, you realize is just marked “RUM Mixer” on your map. That seems.. confusing, but no matter. As you enter the room of the mixer, the chaos of everything that’s happening inside overwhelms you as you try to take it all in. The room is painted completely Teal, except for part of the northern wall, which started peeling away because of the MASSIVE FIRE BURNING EVERYTHING. People are screaming, trying to help people get out of the fire and putting it out, and there’s definitely no one talking about Robupmay. Well, actually, upon further examination, no one is actually stuck in the fire- people are just trying to get their personal possessions out of it, because it started where everyone left their bags. Some people have burn marks, but other than that, it doesn’t look like there’s much for you to do- someone probably already called the fire department, anyway. Well, time to do what you came here for. You spot 3 Teal Dannys. One who is trying to get stuff out of the fire, one who is fairly concentrated on whatever’s going on her phone, and one who’s.. on the stage made for people to introduce themselves on. Which one do you approach? [[> The one rescuing things from the fire]] [[> The one on her phone]] [[> The one on the stage]]

You approach the Teal Danny who just got a bunch of bags and purses from the fire, and is about to go back in before you stop her. Teal Danny(?): “Oh, you wanna help? Great! Just grab as many things you can, you never know what sentimental artifacts people have in there that they could never replace!” Before you can answer, she drinks some water and splashes her burns with it before going back in the fire. [[> Help her save more bags]] [[> Wait for her to come out and tell her she should stop risking her life for material items]]

You approach the Teal Danny who’s on her phone, and when she doesn’t notice you for a few moments, you tap her shoulder. Teal Danny(?): “Huh? What?” You: “Uhm, putting aside what I wanted, you know there’s a fire, right?” Teal Danny(?): “Yeah, so? I’m not in it.” She goes back to her phone. Well, this person is awfully apathetic. Probably not much else you can get out of her. [[> Choose this one as the real one->badchoiceTEAL]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutTEAL]]

The one on the stage seems to be yelling at people. But, erm, when you get close, you realize that she’s not exactly yelling at people to get away from the fire. Teal Danny(?): “C’mon, guys, a little fire never hurt anyone! Why don’t we go back to normal, huh? We can do the whole introduction thing again, because I don’t think anyone listened to me!” It’s very obvious no one other than you is listening to her. [[> Play along]] [[> Tell her there's more important things going on]]

You doubt you could convince her to stop, and she has a point about stuff with sentimental value anyway. You jump in after her, grabbing as many things as possible as quickly as possible before jumping back out. With you helping her, you manage to take everything you could find out within minutes, and you both sit back, panting from the stress and the smoke. Teal Danny(?): “haa.. haa… thanks for helping everyone…” You: “No, it’s fine…” After resting for a bit, you both get up. [[> Choose this one as the real one->badchoiceTEAL]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutTEAL]]

You wait for her, and she comes back coughing, a few more bags in her hands she simply throws on the floor. Before she can go back, you grab hold of her to stop her. You: “Listen, no matter how important these items are, they’re not as important as your life!” Teal Danny(?): “You don’t know what’s in there! It could be wedding rings! It could be a drawing from their child!” You: “Would you be okay if you knew someone died just to save your wedding ring?” She sighs. Teal Danny(?): “Yeah… you’re right.” She sits down on the floor, defeated, and starts treating her wounds. [[> Choose this one as the real one->badchoiceTEAL]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutTEAL]]

(set: $fail to true)You: “Hey, could you come here for a sec? I have a message for you.” The Teal Danny approaches you, slightly confused, and you tell her where she needs to go and when. Teal Danny: “Um… okay.” [[> Move on to Firecracker Danny]]

There are 3 Teal Dannys. One who is trying to get stuff out of the fire, one who is concentrating on her phone, and one who’s on the stage made for people to introduce themselves on. Which one do you approach? [[> The one rescuing things from the fire]] [[> The one on her phone]] [[> The one on the stage]]

You approach the stage with a (somewhat fake) interested look on your face. You: “Sure, let’s do it! My name is-” Teal Danny(?): “Woah, woah, hey! I appreciate the enthusiasm, but hold on! You don’t even have a costume or anything! And at any rate, let the celebrity talk first. I’m..” She strikes a pose. “Teal Danny!” She pauses, probably waiting for your applause. Well, you’re not going to give it to her, because even if you’re playing along you’re not going that far. You: “Well, uh.. cool.” Teal Danny(?): “Cool? COOL?! Are you kidding? That’s all you have to say? Ugh. I need a better audience.” Before you can say anything else, she goes back to yelling at everyone to come back. [[> Choose this one as the real one->goodchoiceTEAL]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutTEAL]]

You: “How could an introduction event possibly matter more than a god damn fire?!” Teal Danny(?): “Well, yknow, cuz… I’m Teal Danny!” You: “People could get hurt! How irresponsible are you?!” Teal Danny(?): “Hey, the stage is like, on the other side of the room from the fire! It’ll be fiiiiiine.” She loses interest in talking to you and goes back to yelling at everyone to come back. [[> Choose this one as the real one->goodchoiceTEAL]] [[> Check the others out->checkoutTEAL]]

You: “Hey, could you come here for a sec? I have a message for you.” The Teal Danny approaches you, slightly confused, and you tell her where she needs to go and when. Teal Danny: “Um… okay.” [[> Move on to Firecracker Danny]]

Only one left, and this one requires you to leave the convention. You tearfully say goodbye to everyone you met, who look at you weird because they’re mostly shopkeepers you bought fan-made junk from on your way to the different Dannys, and they barely remember you. The ones that do remember you still look at you weird because you’ll be back in the cbw convention shortly after Firecracker Danny, so this really isn’t anything special. You exit the convention, look to the side where Real Danny said the TWOW convention is, and see a massive tower several times larger than the cbw convention. Entering it, you kind of get embarrassed for the cbw convention that something so much bigger is happening next door. Even the first floor has many more attractions and (expensive) decorations that it’s hard to imagine why anyone would choose to go to the cbw convention and not this one. You find out more or less immediately why when a book wearing a guard uniform approaches you. Guard: “Oi. Only books are allowed. Piss off.” [[> Argue with the guard]] [[> Make a break for it]]

You: “C’mon, I’ll be in ‘n out in like an hour!” Guard: “If I gave everyone exceptions, the rules would be pointless.” You: “What’s the point of the rule, anyway?” Guard: “By arguin’ with me, you’re disturbing the peace. That’s reason enough to keep y’all out, if you ask me. Now scram!” You want to explain how circular that reasoning is, but… Actually, you know what? Heck it. You start explaining how it doesn’t make sense to ban a group of people based on the reaction to the ban, and you and the guard continue going back and forth on whether or not you should be allowed in. Multiple hours in, the guard grows so tired and thirsty from constantly talking (and switching accents) that they collapse on the floor. Hurray! Oh, wait. You’re like, 3 hours after the time Real Danny told you the meeting was. Whoops. [[> IT'S REWIND TIME->> Move on to Firecracker Danny]] [[> I GUESS IT'S KINDA REWIND TIME?->danniesStart]] [[> I'M SERIOUS IT'S FULL REWIND TIME NO LOOKING BACK OR SHOULD I SAY NO LOOKING FORWARD->PRESS START 1P]]

You: “well, you see-” You suddenly push the guard aside and sprint to the nearest elevator, pressing every button on the panel you can to try to rush the elevator to close quickly. The guard is dazed over the fact that anyone would try to break into a dumb convention just long enough that you manage to escape before they catch up to you. Sighing in relief, you go to look at which floors you pressed, and see that the only button you managed to press hard enough for it to actually register is floor 34. Shrugging, you let it go to that floor, maybe hoping that you could ask someone there for directions, but what luck! It happens to be the floor the Firecracker stuff is on. Thank god for lazy writing. You enter the room labeled in a beautiful golden plaque “Firecracker banquet” and see just that- A real fancy room with long tables filled with all kinds of seafood and wine and such. You see a lot of different books, not really in any cosplay or anything, discussing the adventure. Well, great! If cosplaying isn’t a thing here, this should be super easy! Is what you think before you see the stage, and the sign next to the door that says “Greetings! Welcome to the official Firecracker banquet. To entertain you, we are putting together a reenactment of the Firecracker events. If you’d like to be an actor, please put on the costume of the character you’d like to play and head to the back room for the auditions~!” Crud. Firecracker Danny isn’t here, which means she’s definitely in the back, which means this isn’t going to be easy. You go to the back room, and see a whole bunch of copies of the same characters memorizing their lines in preparation for the audition. A bunch of Swerlinds, a ton of Dans, a few Gizmos and Heronix’s, and 3 Firecracker Dannys as well. You hoped that you’d be able to catch one of them in an inaccurate costume right away, but unfortunately, they’re all identical except for their differing necklaces (and Firecracker Danny isn’t even supposed to have a necklace so this isn’t helpful). One is wearing a simple gold necklace, one is wearing a necklace made of wooden beads, and one is wearing a silver necklace with a gem as a keystone. You’re about to approach them, but then the judges call for the auditions to begin and request that everyone still waiting goes quiet as the walls aren’t exactly soundproof. Well, not much to do now but to watch the auditions of each of them. Hopefully that’ll tell you enough to pick one of them. [[> Move on to the first round of auditions]]

In the first round of auditions, the Firecracker Dannys are asked by the judges to improv in a situation where they’re Firecracker Danny in the crystal and the adventurers just entered it. Each one had a minute to say what she wanted to, and then get off the stage to let the next one go on. Gold Necklace FD: “Oh gosh! Are you all okay? If any of you got hurt, I don’t have much for healing stuff, but I can try my best to help!” Wood Necklace FD: “If you’re okay, please help me break out of this crystal. If you manage to do it, I’ll make it worth your while, so do your best!” Gem Necklace FD: “Dan’s evil and you shouldn’t trust him! I know you just met me and can’t trust me, and I understand if you’ll want to leave when you can, but let’s at least work together for now to break out!” Well, that was that. Those are really similar, which probably makes sense since they were trying to act as similar to the actual Firecracker Danny as possible, but maybe one of them tripped up and had something inaccurate? [[> At any rate, it's time for the second round of auditions]]

Since there’s only 3 Firecracker Dannys, the judges decided to only hold two rounds of auditions, so this is the final one. In this one, they were asked to improv in a situation where the group just broke out of the Shadrian prison, mostly thanks to Heronix’s help. Unfortunately, 96LB and Hazelknight died during the escape. Gold Necklace FD: “Wow, Heronix, you’re so amazing! Burning that motor fuel to melt the prison bars was real hot, hehehe~” Wood Necklace FD: “C’mon, everyone, we have to hurry! We’re already pretty late, we have to get to the treasure before Dan does!” Gem Necklace FD: “It’s terrible what happened to 96LB and Hazelknight… but we have to continue no matter what, or else their sacrifice will be in vain!” Okay, something definitely felt wrong there. One of these is clearly the one who actually experienced the whole thing, while the others only read about it. The only question is who… [[> Choose Gold Necklace Firecracker Danny->badchoiceFIRECRACKER]] [[> Choose Wooden Necklace Firecracker Danny->badchoiceFIRECRACKER]] [[> Choose Gem Necklace Firecracker Danny->goodchoiceFIRECRACKER]]

(set: $fail to true)When they’re all back in the waiting room, you approach the Firecracker Danny you chose, and tell her about the place in the cbw convention she should go to. Firecracker Danny: “Will do! Hopefully if I get chosen to play the role, it won’t take too long and I’ll make it there on time!” Phew, you’re finally done collecting the Dannys! Hopefully all your choices were correct… All that’s left to do now is [[wait until the chosen time and go to the meeting spot.]]

When they’re all back in the waiting room, you approach the Firecracker Danny you chose, and tell her about the place in the cbw convention she should go to. Firecracker Danny: “Will do! Hopefully if I get chosen to play the role, it won’t take too long and I’ll make it there on time!” Phew, you’re finally done collecting the Dannys! Hopefully all your choices were correct… All that’s left to do now is [[wait until the chosen time and go to the meeting spot.]]

(if: $fail is true)[You walk around the convention, exploring the different things it has to offer, until the time finally arrives and you go to check up on staff room 8. Except… isn’t that kind of a really large crowd for a staff room? You push your way through the crowd and try to understand what’s going on, but at this point the staff room is empty of any Dannys. You ask some random people what happened. “You don’t know? Apparently the real deal Dannys from The Anniversary comic came here to meet! But some of them were actually cosplayers in disguise, so the second they realized people around them were celebrities, they started freaking out and tweeting all about it! I rushed here as soon as I heard, but it looks like the Dannys already dispersed… Damn. I sure wonder how that mixup happened!” Whoops. [[> AW BEANS, GUESS I'M STARTIN' OVER->danniesStart]] [[> HECK THIS, WHO CARES ABOUT A BUNCH OF DANNYS->PRESS START 1P]]](else:)[You walk around the convention, exploring the different things it has to offer, until the time finally arrives and you go to check up on staff room 8. As soon as you enter it, you’re immediately knocked back to a corner of the room from a swift punch to the gut. As you struggle to regain your senses, you see all the Dannys in battle positions, Firecracker Danny having a smoking fist before she realizes it’s you and she rushes towards you. Firecracker Danny: “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Teal Danny: “Hey, how about apologizing to me, too?! That punch was directed at me! You’re lucky I dodged it, or I would’ve had a sea of lawyers after you!” Real Danny: “Calm down, all of you! If you continue fighting, more innocent bystanders could get hurt!” Chibi Danny: “Yeah! Fighting is not cute, so if you don’t calm down, I’m gonna make you calm down!” There’s a threatening aura in the room, as all the Dannys look at each other, waiting for the others to make the first move. Meanwhile, you get up, check yourself for any broken bones or something, and all the Dannys turn to you as if each of them is expecting you to do something. So… what do you do? [[> Support Real Danny]] [[> Support Chibi Danny]] [[> Support Teal Danny]] [[> Support Firecracker Danny]] [[> lol just leave]]]

You: “Listen! Real Danny asked me to find all of you and bring you here, and while she didn’t tell me why, I don’t think it was because she wanted to fight all of you! I worked really hard to find each of you, so can you please not fight?” All the Dannys lower their fighting positions. Teal Danny: “Well, ‘Real Danny’? Why did you bring us, who are all sworn enemies of each other, here?” Real Danny: “I just wanted to tour the convention together… I figured that the enemy stuff could be left in the comic, and we could use this as a new start… I don’t want anyone to hate me…” Firecracker Danny: “That’s it? You just wanted to hang out?” Chibi Danny: “I’m always up for a chance to get along~” Teal Danny: “How cute. Sure, yeah, whatever, the rum mixer didn’t even have any rum before I brought it in, and now it all burned away because of a fire that was definitely not at all my fault.” Real Danny: “Wait, what?” Teal Danny: “So I don’t have anything better to do.” Firecracker Danny: “I was mostly busy with the TWOW convention stuff, so I wouldn’t mind exploring this place with you as well!” Chibi Danny: “Hurray! And they kissed and lived happily ever after.” Teal Danny: “Gross.” Real Danny turns to you. Real Danny: “Thanks a lot for all your help. Do you wanna come with us? I’m sure none of us would mind!” And so, after finding all the Dannys, you had a blast exploring the convention that you barely had time for earlier because you had to find all the Dannys. Who could’ve thought that hanging out with 4 variations of the same person could be so much fun? The answer is me, Narrator Danny. You think I’m gonna make myself look bad? Nah, I’m awesome and I’m gonna force you to think I’m awesome by making the good ending have you be friends with me and only me. YOU WIN! [[> Nevermind. This Danny sucks. Can I pick a different one?->wait until the chosen time and go to the meeting spot.]] [[> That was fun, let's do that again!->danniesStart]] [[> That was fun! Who else is here?->PRESS START 1P]]

You: “Well, Chibi Danny’s not wrong. It would be very uncute of you to fight.” Teal Danny: “Is that… supposed to convince me?” You: “Well, you wanna have fans, don’t you? Being cute is a surefire way to do that!” Chibi Danny: “Yeah, just look at how many people love me! Out of everyone in this room, they chose to support me!” All the Dannys lower their fighting positions. Teal Danny: “I suppose that is true…” Firecracker Danny: “...I mean, I guess after being a prisoner for years and a adventurer otherwise, I never really considered trying to be… cute…? It might be nice...” Chibi Danny: “Then it’s settled! We’ll have a cute-up day!” Teal Danny: “Wait, what?” Chibi Danny: “Y’know, a day where I teach you how to act cute and innocent, and we’ll find cute clothes for all of you to wear, and we’ll flirt with a bunch of cuties around the convention~” Teal Danny: “That sounds like a terrible idea. ...but I guess I don’t have anyone else to ask for advice about cute stuff.” Firecracker Danny: “I’m… willing to try, I guess…” Real Danny: “Sounds like fun!” Chibi Danny turns to you. Chibi Danny: “You better come, too!” And so, you unexpectedly got dragged into a cute-up day, a term you’re 70% sure Chibi Danny made up. Sure, getting taught how to act, trying out a thousand clothes and watching the other Dannys completely fall flat in their attempts at flirting was all pretty exhausting, but… At the end of the day, looking in the mirror, you definitely like the result more than you expected! YOU WIN! [[> Nevermind. This Danny sucks. Can I pick a different one?->wait until the chosen time and go to the meeting spot.]] [[> That was fun, let's do that again!->danniesStart]] [[> That was fun! Who else is here?->PRESS START 1P]]

You: “Why the hell did you punch me? What’s wrong with you?!” Firecracker Danny: “I’m sorry! But Teal Danny started it!” Teal Danny: “As if, you just hate me!” You: “Well, I’m getting my revenge!” Before any of them can react, you charge at Firecracker Danny and punch her back. It barely affects her, but the shock of everyone in the room that you actually just did that starts a huge fight between all of you. At the end of it, all the Dannys are on the floor, partly unconscious- except for Teal Danny. Teal Danny: “Hey, that was pretty cool of you to punch her for me.” You: “Well, she punched me! That’s like, really rude and also painful!” Teal Danny: “Wanna ditch this joint and head somewhere less violent and with a higher average BAC?” You: “…Sure, heck it.” And so, you leave the rest of the Dannys on the floor as you head out with Teal Danny to the nearest bar. Unsure of whether you are even legally allowed to drink, she nevertheless makes friends with you and recruits you to her *ahem* cult. Though, honestly? A cult with a blimp that has a room full of oreos doesn’t sound too bad. YOU WIN! [[> Nevermind. This Danny sucks. Can I pick a different one?->wait until the chosen time and go to the meeting spot.]] [[> That was fun, let's do that again!->danniesStart]] [[> That was fun! Who else is here?->PRESS START 1P]]

You: “It’s fine, I’m fine, but… why did you try to punch her, anyway?” Firecracker Danny: “She’s a maniacal cult leader! Also, she tried to punch me first.” Teal Danny: “Excuse me, I definitely did not punch you! I just tripped, that’s all!” You: “...That’s your only problem with that sentence?” Teal Danny: “Huh?” Firecracker Danny: “Look, it’s just better if she leaves. There’s no way we’re going to get anything done with someone so self-obsessed!” //looks at the creator of this route// Real Danny: “Fine, you’re right. Teal Danny, you should probably leave.” Teal Danny: “Whatever, I was already on my way out. I thought there would be rum in here or something, but I guess this whole convention is lame. I’m outtie.” She ollie outies. Chibi Danny: “Well… now what?” Firecracker Danny: “I really feel like we got off on the wrong foot in the comic, y’know? Like, with Teal Danny starting that initial conflict… I really don’t mind working together with you, but only if we’re all equals and on board.” Real Danny: “R-really..? Well… thank you so much! Yes, of course I’d love to work with you!” Chibi Danny: “I mean, I was already working with Real Danny, so it’s really you joining our crew… but hey, whatever works, works~” Firecracker Danny: “Well, great! Do you want a tour of The Soul Survivor?” She turns to you. Firecracker Danny: “That invitation extends to you, too!” And so, you follow the Dannys to Firecracker Danny’s adventurer ship, and spend the day checking it out. It has a lot of cool scars and whatnot left over from the Firecracker story, as well as stuff you never heard about! At the end of the day, you all had so much fun together that Firecracker Danny even invites you to join The Soul Survivor. Leaving the quiet life of convention hunting in order to join a massive adventurer crew is definitely a big decision to make, but hey… Think about it! YOU WIN! [[> Nevermind. This Danny sucks. Can I pick a different one?->wait until the chosen time and go to the meeting spot.]] [[> That was fun, let's do that again!->danniesStart]] [[> That was fun! Who else is here?->PRESS START 1P]]

You leave the room. Whatever’s going on in there, it’s not your business. You just kind of enjoy the convention on your own. You hear from a bunch of people that a fight did break out in staff room 8 and it totally trashed the place. Thank god you weren’t there, you could’ve gotten hurt! ...Would’ve been cool to watch, though. YOU WIN! [[> Aw, man. Now I kinda want to see what would've happened if I wasn't a coward.->wait until the chosen time and go to the meeting spot.]] [[> That was fun, let's do that again!->danniesStart]] [[> That was fun! Who else is here?->PRESS START 1P]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

“Heck yeah! That’s the spirit. Everyone likes carrots!” The green pair of pants hands you some carrots. They’re a vibrant shade of orange. “Now, comrade, I’m sure you already knew that the carrots were simply a super-secret codeword initiative to access classified information on my master plan. Let me introduce myself. I’m Brobee, and you see-” Brobee scans the room, even though no one seems to be paying attention to the conversation that’s taking place. “-I’m making it my sworn mission to visit every restaurant in the TWOW-state area! Over these past few years, I’ve tasted hundreds and hundreds of meals. Now, I’m down to a mere 3 restaurants. Thing is, they’re all at the end of what could very well be an incredibly dangerous journey. That’s where you come in!” You feel a strange head rush, as if reality is slowly shifting before your very eyes. When you look back at Brobee, he's wearing a pair of aviator goggles. “Heh, check out these bad boys! Anywho, we’re going to get to these restaurants, even if we have to risk our life to get them. Today’s the last day, so we have to do this fast!” Brobee drags you outside. You have no clue what you've gotten yourself into. Once outside, he points to three locations. One's a parking lot for a restaurant you can't make out the name of, one's a path going around a fountain, and one's a clearing in a forest. "With the power of teamwork, we'll be able to get our order faster than you can say beta-carotene!" Well, it's your choice. [[> Go to the parking lot]] [[> Go to the clearing]] [[> Go to the fountain]] <img src=https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/ew8-viNWIHbKD5MyKolFjox4Rt5nslOf9aIHUMnIjg5g6J6wZxvp8xqjlXNZQcaVc7d5ppJ-cMVy28T8fB1mLqdWV8Rc7LwPnLfZ6MCLZu3yx81PVQeKWZ9JfFg4XMbU8KPL280u width=640 height=360>

“Heck yeah! T-” “Wait. No?” “But… The song… The fiber…” Green Jeans stares at you for a minute. A tear rolls down his cheek. That tear is the herald of an explosion of sobs. The whole restaurant stops and stares at you. You monster. FAIL

You decide to go to the parking lot. "Bold choice, my comrade. Be warned, however; there's a bunch of big bad goons hiding in here...!" The second you go through the gate, your head starts rushing again. The cars, the dumpsters, and even the people start floating upwards. You look up to find a UFO, its gigantic yellow tractor beam pulling up anything that's not bolted down, and bolting down something onto the parking lot. It seems like some sort of yellow cloth. It's suddenly night, and you're blinded by a dazzling display of lights. You're standing in front of a circus! "Welcome," Brobee says, "to the home of Donald RcMonald." <img src=https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/Xv7vpUZEPo9jDvU9SzifiuRmTaLnbakWJkI_AA3dQQsF_-WujWeHg2zXesvBjRSI9PUu1-W6J0F3k_VhImtWBDFG9jaLAcMl5OAJFhIgrqYY4BBRRSB1Me9ZqMNiP5woHclqqfTm width=640 height=360> [[> CONTINUE->donaldmcron]]

(set: $jungle to true)"Ah, through the trees. A classic journey. Who knows what exotic foods we'll find in there?" As you approach the clearing, your head begins to rush. The air feels damper, and the trees become more colorful and vibrant. As you turn around, you realize you're surrounded by trees. A vine smacks you in the face. You're in a jungle! "You packed your bug spray, right? A lot of insects come here to eat too, yknow." There's yet another clearing in front of you, and you can hear rushing water in the distance. Behind you, there's footsteps leading away somewhere. You can't tell what exactly lies behind the undergrowth there. You hear rustling to your left, and a glimpse of orange. "Jungles are pretty scary sometimes, hoo boy. Where to first?" <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/ILrv8j0xyznbYdzTXlr7eu5vCXyLm4YEdTSZrwiS7uAQMR0RiOiYTm8p8zhdxIGuNXawp0TA-HOszur2uXKR9_0dX9CDJAVFwEjbKTBed0RK_lV_9TufBKWUIW_-UmwuwQ" width=640 height=360> [[> Investigate the rushing water]] [[> Investigate the footsteps]] [[> Investigate the rustling]]

(set: $temple to true)"There? Sure, but be warned: everyone that entered that fountain... never made it back out." Wait. Entering the fountain? What? As you walk closer to it, your head starts rushing again. The fountain stretches higher and higher, wider and wider, before your eyes. Sculptures erode in reverse, revealing fish and strange beasts. The Earth gradually floods over. You soon realize you're standing in a shallow ocean. The sun is setting. The sky is orange and purple. The water temple stands solemnly before you. <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/E_9F5lWOqp04EwPVeXxVJPIe5hpdUIcWpdzjabgqSU2LL_zk4ydYn86KSiaY2Owp9iGRvYDs6UcF9c6T2l3u5aFtsW1e5hXf-9B5ZOYJ-rLKFhCTJFN7hL5wPzkeHXAH9Q" width=640 height=360> "Dang, it looks even better in person.” “For obvious reasons, nothing in here has been documented. If we make it out alive, we'll be pioneers! I'll go first, you follow me." "And stay clear of any fish." [[> Continue->waterenter]]

"Well, those goonie meanies are probably holed up in that tent. We could charge in... Or we could try and sneak in." "I see three ways in. Go in through the main entrance, climb up top, or find a backdoor." "Pick whatever's the most adventurous!" [[> Charge in]] [[> Climb up]] [[> Sneak around]]

"A true fighter, I see. I'm sure there aren't too many clowns in that tent. Let me just check real quick-" <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/qvo3EzVr0oXGDWKh55KixNzPhIGzbjQmmUZHJLzlkC8sYNPldEYRmvWc3sCkEKQoN0MbHsHZ7Mt-N68ZG_ENV0yIVweWWATIqoV7TqAIspI1hMJr-Tzi_T2i3e3Zt0yGyrAdh4Fw" width=640 height=360> “Oh. Yikes. They look tough- I mean, uh, hah! Look how puny those guys are. Good thing you, uh, can’t see them.” “Ok, so I don’t think they saw us yet. Which is good, because that gives us time to create our Combat Plan! I’m sure those goons are so weak, they’ll flee once we beat up even one of them.” Brobee pulls out some RcMonald napkins from his pocket, and draws some terrible caricatures of what you assume are the goons. “Pick one. Let’s figure out what their weaknesses are.” [[> A really tall clown]] [[> A robber with a wide head]] [[> A bigger version of Brobee]]

"Going up, eh? Classic spy move. You brought the grappling hook, right?" You... don't remember bringing any grappling hook. Of course, you check your pockets anyway, in case some sheer force of magic manages to- Yep. It's there. The grappling hook's in your pocket. "Perfect! You stay down there and scout the area. I'll go get my order ready." In one sweeping move, Brobee throws the grappling hook up to the top of the tent and climbs up. The further up he goes, the more nervous he looks. You realize he probably has a fear of heights. Brobee starts whispering to you. Even without him turning his head to look down at you (for good reason), you still manage to hear him. "Uh, ok, so... I just need to get to the middle." Brobee takes a single step forward, and... //**KAPUT**// <img src=https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/RoHb1VN9f9Au3r9PefCJQqYcaumiGr-hk0eJuzX3QgMYqLgSN9MhUDjhYDBjhibPpDsn8yuw1uaEjvdmO7nyaQD4zVTqrotNfwGra5Ls6OCDY5h-8vALf6XfAWjTonH7l-HX1YrP width=640 height=360>

"Perfect! We'll sneak through the back, just like that Solid Snake guy!" "...By the way, is Solid Snake, like, friendly? I haven't met very many friendly snakes." You and Brobee walk around to the back of the Circus, staying on the lookout for another way in. Brobee climbs on top of a car and jumps back down. There wasn't any real point to that; he just wanted to do something cool. Soon enough, you find a hole in the tent. "Aha! A hole. Must be Chuck up to his old ways again. Wanna go first? I'll be right behind you!" You enter the tent and see the circus in all its glory. Everything is noticeably colored like ketchup and mustard, which you suppose makes sense There's rides, attractions, pies, Monald™'s Burgers, and more! It’s a fast food eater’s paradise. The main attraction, however, is the Burgerphant. A majestic combination of burger and elephant, the humongous beast stands sleeping in the center of the tent. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/KCnoghl0G-j36bAjudCN_E-Ra48l8F2_Ii5fWQfv5p0n4VTsMOCiUYNFShp5zRBdaz7cJgMmbNaFQ7svJ0MPKWigFii3PdO62rW5Hu2WNmIlaaNqszf3Euokn2e92L0gVOzS-ltP" width=640 height=360> You soon realize there's someone behind the elephant. They look like some sort of clown. "Quick!" Brobee whispers to you. "It’s Monald; We gotta hide!" The only good places to hide are the stands surrounding the tent, as well as, yknow, the Burgerphant. "You should think fast. I think they're coming our way..!" [[> Hide behind the Burgerphant]] [[> Hide under the stands]] [[> Hide behind Brobee]]

“Oh man, do we really want to fight Burgerclown? I mean- uh, what I meant to say was, we should choose someone stronger, heh. Well, the weaker the better!” <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/Y2j6j9q6ES_iE9EREQCadbqDDiidOKS99MCq0h6t3-euePG9meEr0bU4mjXwL8oHKvQX4dH2DgtKoY0qm54XVnAx1bBd0p70yXwXhvwAhv2Uph7078K2xbRi6UDg6L2Ku1QyPlNp" width=640 height=360> Brobee brainstorms some ideas for weaknesses. They all seem equally ridiculous. [[> Spray him with holy water]] [[> Show him a mirror]] [[> Tackle him]]

“The shortest one, eh? Good idea.” <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/yJNQL-HcK6doDJxGilZPHZ9AOZ_beuesmyzC10mD0VUFu6SGGvUDHOmomTOLwhdpEhIm0JRwTU7jfo3e3zwGZDSDDO7pxCbiEb1G1hiMxa9_l0mrRd33vwYlNgNTCrEQWG7HnOe6" width=640 height=360> “This should be as easy as stealing RcMonald hamburgers from a baby!” Brobee brainstorms some ideas for weaknesses. They all seem equally ridiculous. [[> Tell him to stop]] [[> Call the cops]] [[> Steal his burger]]

“Get a load of this guy! They completely stole my No Arms schtick! That was supposed to be my thing!” <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/AxHajNBbdaJ4qZjEP5EUcuPhbwyFp6B7UKd1KBfc6WiM8UIeP33e1pjHEjGm-QwQUWiaOGrrb8iJPcg_e2cONzw1gwcSbynKAa0ErDBnhb7BR50gl7ydLvsp3tGhYC9wD87RBRvv" width=640 height=360> “This town ain’t big enough for two armless monsters.” Brobee brainstorms some ideas for weaknesses. They all seem equally ridiculous. [[> Mock them]] [[> Challenge them]] [[> Ask them who they are]]

“Alright, so we’ll pull out our Holy Super Soaker and douse him from head to toe in the good stuff. Great thinking!” <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/1SsfjB2xqMa0kKBBB8jJHv6qrehFZUMiDJcbh3czCUtIU1dz_Av_wN6ImOelxwlkEZtpI5eudM_57XJDZQ2s1puRHKM1Zos9OmVkbpE7pO4x7EYnOYf9oP9RoK_KzThlKHc08X0t" width=640 height=360> "Look how angry he is!" <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/CvRegvGwyUhE-RFDEs6l3f2S0jehAsUxLBWETbVP_vLvluCLxI8QE3Ypx6Mg-wiJUz75xpAAo0gGkQER6dDeo-0H4HPeq_ETRkyNJfIjfmGuDqguMpTYb5IQ7_m-1WdUhqlUfqFT" width=640 height=360> "...Hey, wait. What's he doing?" <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/HZX0AYGxX78M8oa6aWH84WNdlGYlD2Sx76JxfHFDKNDyIvve6OYTDLskkikMJtqR7yowhReM69xvkxxD6g9myCAKd4Ioto0kXnWOeaJRK-AnjnSelZcaFg1h9FxF27IVJ-zrcSnM" width=640 height=360> FAIL

“Yeah… There’s a reason why I didn’t want to draw his face.” Brobee shudders at the thought of the clown’s hideousness. “Well, here goes.” <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/MjrfJJThM9CAdntEWf13o-VCWjzDkQXvo4XNwj8879ExbF3Egg3xX4pfVs_h_lh-UwWbCSdHE-aYlB7vYwySnaxyAT8fCM2MWRbcCyf-GZj9Lrs_nTfpk-pNYiyCzFQPSxe03V0a" width=640 height=360> “That’ll do the trick! Now ol’ Burger Clown here will be too self-conscious to fight! Great thinking, comrade.” [[> Continue->fightFinished]]

<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/0maneyvqmTsT13-RG_ibc0avGvLoMw-dtDOrpnHZ4MaaC6cq2qOm83YICZaaE0drWLpqbMPWRvEg0gJ-1i_PlAKFWNVgwdq1hF1QPOSfznmPKTOq3MRKmF8kEQ7FxS5x0-tKqFaL" width=640 height=360> “Heck yeah! Time to show my strength! This clown doesn’t stand a chance. In fact, he won’t even be standing anymore!” “...” “I sure hope-” <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/eyosgIKcfrzOMWBDzCKC6nU7kh6iGSstIEzHEdyDZac7Ms494acjtmSpybGzIrxPZdg-yNokcPUIQjfqadHNLin0o2P_78KbqiuAXqfEe_vvzioEMhxf8cdzsnqR7t_gajMnV33U" width=640 height=360> "AAAAAAAA" FAIL

<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/XcWb5QZnAB1TrthOme7841FVSOUY4mICovcSCBcXsbslPFS6SAI4fVDMYor5YVe84RLfwyvOm2PRDsItdyK0e_sZWGZS88ywZ6Yf2042ocrPuHjtwOH43KsWXwP6PY7dbFecVDOR" width=640 height=360> You and Brobee then proceed to enter the circus tent and raise all hell, doing kickass moves that I can’t show here because I didn’t have time to draw it. “Charging in is AMAZING! We should charge into more privately owned establishments later. Violence feels great!” You look at Brobee. He’s still joyful as ever. “Hey, look! The door to the RcMonald’s stand is just over on the right. Let’s go!” [[> Continue->NEEDS VARIABLE! rcmondald]]

<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/dyOQYwZYNwcbXlSDrXXROMXPsrsm0kKervfKwcoKSerG6ny6n4b5bXhHhWZuAqTYJuxfM2Xb6SrH6l6E6cup9O492lAXhFAhDoeOvFhImEIBsn4Fzw7ggCYSc-VzVDXpcWOUKxjq" width=640 height=360> “What’s the point of a Hamburglar if the burglar can’t burgle hams? Hah!” “...” “This seems incredibly dumb.” <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/KSk1FgNqfaCscuT5sVBPMeCGTBJHGfNwYazxtJPemP5yvmAzdpfXXoyrqIzlAL4OFlqwRwypelz5hn-yjFmKdVnkgZfOiysfwygu_mIrRWvdAtN61cDaBMaSwP_GnzIRMYW7ttkE" width=640 height=360> <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/p9VO4YFM8dIa9L10ZOBBAiP7pwSPexDdJDnMNxHLEisR8NGEeRLPAGmowMAcyQEalpa73eMt4cUUwJkc4KG0LZHzXSgaab6qPL1CqztAeJDIhGJ6DPMl_yCqBddQ0OC5vyhrGK0O" width=640 height=360> <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/DAYGcUeU6FiNyeulUjw7kpdBmrZCRlWxWwykRDnuj4BJFYpG1XTn7A6Yzvge3SltxFweoz_ntzAhBn-v0zvheo5gTfWfwULVOgw61Rk-OrxtR9wQqHe6lmsi4wl7u4OCTKKSAW7e" width=640 height=360> [[> Continue->fightFinished]]

“Heck yeah! Robbers are nothing compared to the power of Law Enforcement!” <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/uP3H9gFknRRIxhAHwJfCxfrnruiWGbym_UZJ1eW87txHLWAqjsXD10mnWxWVru2n3B4Zyy0w6Ge-t8dPSOB72l5AcJj2g9ix6ZxAvrKdemfw0IwK3OkPHZDKIe6Jy2mMym4KuAtm" width=640 height=360> “They should be here any minute!” “...” “...” <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/JteETh4VJzQVJbieyPR2YPPGfw9jCpCO58Dzr4_ELWpiYwlWAR8RibZv2x2ET-GGY1EEp3-kzz12hjl2T0-En3han4uAH3_021inuj8ZngJUoKqkY6xa4xTMBiqM2V8BH_1FOU7f" width=640 height=360> "Hm." <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/UrAK7ep_wVEtLVU18GtcwrGz0dpOjGmY1sruA-kQlcaj_6_g6rO62W6tM6g4Uhnnj3PUUxRBJa3SOkDQ_0leIIPTqWkxzYWVZ_1DZn8_qxHwws1AHDbtakWkbts1ntL0MtmV7pJx" width=640 height=360> FAIL

<img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/vD6xRYqIUNiyBw0hUT4ECgWivENJeTbddJpf2DJL9kVT0zxDz90kqM7orThKAVOnEZKyaKrXpxjZ8BP2-Vnur0R_sDXLuexYKoreNrlzrKog4eDMQfHemRTCbdknCocgBBxKAqjb" width=640 height=360> “Yeah, that’ll show him! What’re you gonna do, Sham-burglar? Are you gonna cry? Piss your pants?” “...” “Y’know, I have a bad feeling about t-” <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/Bq-VyF0NNI2ipFG5bluwPH6jmwE_QL77Rwlt4BEvCdsunYunWMGEDsRMwJuGhbxDaujg2H-SMLv0Uc0Z7Y4J3PhEVcVSFqNIAK-SRHm23RrgteUs7b-Vc_mxstmVKtaoniQr_qmB" width=640 height=360> FAIL

<img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/71GxK0_WCYx4oLgvdcHM0UdfUJN4Ce3KqGrz8VSGvzfQKKPDQd_yOoNMUcF-Yqa6Q4UujEknCeX8S3PJWHBWAx4oz8uPazXbCeoFeOiv38eioTH1YO_1ACoN629u3wGQ9KG-0J-6" width=640 height=360> “duhhh look at me, I’m big and purple and have a weird mouth!” “What a big baby. I bet he’s going to go cry to his even bigger mommy now, heh! I can’t believe that worked, I would’ve thought he-” <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/3wGhoytASBhpdHknl_YjxoJ8Jr2sySi7xjzdlABUul4azOflQPFEcpNadde-7Oe-EPYNfLOYglUV1HNoLpvbkeU7rF6YwBcCWKNDM5Xt14Jt6paxEjQvjtjYsGCW2_RyMJ3b6qky" width=640 height=360> "Oh my." FAIL

<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/ATBE6fVpkWFU_N0KraFdaPXubFKq4-7OGIdhKQgmHNsUc2XhG4EeIzEDj0RPYgk2TedgF_WbSXxKLsSaKHIZea0bInd6eFuKdZ-q19utMSBQ6elDEHhnSHw29TaSi_80tIE2f-el" height=360 width=640> “Hey you! Big guy! How about we settle this through some good old fashioned arm wrestling, eh?” <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/sn84qlBeroZmgAD9vtDESukmK_bDcqtlbNx_BSs9p99ezsTVc6_TRLZNBnT6Ku2WMcUAc86fvyZnYUefD-pqYW_nqD3OkwR5ZXIWMPj3GDPg5Q81fYD35u2-wAqXTr29oSsswsk7" height=360 width=640> “Wait.” “This was a dumb choice. Let’s try something else.” [[> Ask them who they are]] [[> Mock them]]

Brobee asks the big purple monster who they are. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/u_fwIFNaBwP5RjQCw44VALbBuFZlPV7dZ4PRQ7ZpFNyJ7ECpKvfwgAITO1qyxzPSsHNf9WSBxtXtMw5Mk1vIVMy8agWgcg14uF5QWyRtdjeUxtManMXCgNidwUv0LYGC1--kumlA" width=640 height=360> For such a huge blob, they really don’t seem noteworthy. ???: "You’re asking who I am? I… I’m Grimace! The purple monster! You don’t know who I am??" Brobee tries to remember if he’s seen this amorphous blob of indeterminate origin before. “No, not really, sorry.” GRIMACE: "But… but…" <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/DSy7-OGt667lmL-X6hqbgprxOFDloyHJlFHbUwpzebJXdJMaE62RgPDDAhFmHNzdoTGclZ9SjT0q8hLlkC6RTRsIY02lIIpJCQGAjcGdQHM1hXW9v5zgfvBUfNOyDTobXQwfLYRQ" width=640 height=360> Grimace explodes in a fit of confusion and sorrow! “Well, that isn’t really what I thought was going to happen, but I’ll take it! Let’s go, comrade!” [[> Continue->fightFinished]]

You open the door to the fabled Donald RcMonald Stand, and find… a crudely repurposed lemonade stand with an animatronic running it. It’s not a very well-built animatronic, anyway. Looks like it can break down at any moment. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/irGB_hZQlWe3LIEnrr4DONuC2JIjwwN05fBfVuMnslvic1yER7FSFvmsAGvchIiJyby5Dz0vsPZOl1Kez_Socsgk3ipWvR5xAU4B7fb5rCrvm6ABImTvQVKd_h2K3Jve6EPeSkYd" width=640 height=360> "Yes! The RcMonald's stand is finally in my grasp! Thanks, comrade. I only came here to try a burger, so, I suppose..." Brobee cautiously approaches the animatronic. "Uh, hey. Hi. Can I get, um, uh..." The animatronic looks at Brobee. "An uh, um, one of those, yknow, the-" The animatronic speaks. RcMonald Animatronic: BURGER? "uh- yeah. Yeah. Burger." RcMonald Animatronic: SODA? FRY? "no." RcMonald Animatronic: SUPERSIZE? DOUBLE MEAT? SODA? "n- hm, double meat? sure, I guess." RcMonald Animatronic: MONEY. "Oh right, money. Its- uh-" Brobee fishes around in his pockets for some spare cash (how does he have pockets, anyway? Weird), and finds $11. "Here you go... Sir?" RcMonald Animatronic: PROCESSING... <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/jcLFy5_dFA3SHI1ChXDLkeHUOqb8YY34HfKpvWHXeVo68Rs7wsQDmXOWSv2RmIwglx_IJFdOY4VEkuZSFzEQe_2dnOWUOFw1y5AUmWf48zEq6P7Oz14eI5lUwbeVTSkT0w0bBb0D" width=640 height=360> RcMonald Animatronic: PROCESSING... <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/WbGaRESkeO3pHiIEREVd7R4MOH97oslYIqXnAV7qRxc8iGLVNW_SybSpLtqYo6fSCWb-5w6pX2yd6J-_AsvyEZSdFWUbjZDgygVuoOERvjVU8hp7DWpKLKG0x7-gchTKgv4_2x_E" width=640 height=360> RcMonald Animatronic: THANK. <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/O5OoYyaG0iS_VPBy8TKzbJt8r-B0tkE3vOSuth4wiFeYc3QZhRccQnaGbvrvDs4Oa570e3443keonBgoaVKhTu8ett8FIePSHs-dXijgE4-BLKQM9hmj_pUqL2aOgnJASmc730FY" width=640 height=360> One freshly steamed, mouthwatering hamburger falls out of the animatronic's mouth. It's a juicy patty*, cooked to the perfect temperature and served between masterfully delicate, artisan-made buns, lightly salted and- {(if: $routes is 0)["Wow. This is shit. Why did I come here? This meat doesn't even taste like meat." Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw a single tear roll down the animatronic's cheek. “This is probably going to be an F on my Restaurant tier list, sadly. Hopefully the other restaurants fare better, though! Let’s go!” [[> Choose another location->> mcChoose another location]]](elseif: $routes is 1)[“It’s alright. It just tastes like a normal everyday burger.” "THANK YOU FOR ENJOYING BURGER." “I don’t think it was worth the journey, though. I’ll probably put it as a C on my Restaurant tier list. Hopefully the last restaurant is better! Let’s go!” [[> Choose another location->> mcChoose another location]]](else:)[“Oh. Wow. This is… INCREDIBLE! The wheat, the meat, the fruit and veg… It all comes together like a masterfully-crafted Renaissance painting of a burger! I never would’ve expected this from a circus of goons. Man oh man, am I glad we came here.” Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw the animatronic’s grin widen. [[> Continue->restaurantwin]]]}

You quickly tiptoe over to the Burgerphant and hide behind its legs. Dang, it smells good here. You resist the urge to taste the delicious Donald RcMonald™ burger laid out in all its glory before you, a scrumptious combination of wheat, lettuce, meat*, cheese... Brobee slaps you on the face. "Snap out of it, comrade! Try to plug your nose if you can. The smell is how they get you around here. I don't have a nose, so I don't have to worry about it, but who knows what’ll happen if you inhale too much of these flavor vapors." "What we do have to worry about, though, is that clown coming closer to us." Sure enough, the striped clown is making its way to the other side of the Burgerphant. It doesn't look like he knows you're here, though, so you can still escape if you can. <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/uKZxgcwIkM8Dj-0AQKq9vyFNrh4p5iSwLmaRMCX-tVTarnWwPlNxhxStlaUkfaNrzyUtjbKWzqK7RwEShuxFjvO6Y3O0a8kmqgeUWfbygb3rudirTm8_DUC0q_OpES28Oaqi6SZa" width=640 height=360> "Oh heck oh heck oh heck oh heck oh h" [[> Run over to the stands->> Hide under the stands]] [[> Slide under the Burgerphant]]

You make a mad dash to the stands. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/goguvpsy2DdTwiigz78Cfvl76EnW7l2px9hXrX8okTAozBTg_jitr2BWEEQR6Uokvx5asaPqYjpF8o40y0TLhlMyOav7CaX0wfJNCRovqpT7snn90uNyNhidG7-NqtqRapWfmqc4" width=940 height=360> [[> Continue->standsContinue]]

In a fearful stupor, you duck behind Brobee. If you can’t see them, they can’t see you. “Wh- what- Hey! You can’t leave me here like this!” Brobee’s paralyzed by fear. The clown sees him. <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/jdIz76-5-ZLKojJmMdMpJyK1_CDk83Le_JwOe1DXJ-GMVNZLOUguKaBSC3t_LCRx_12ASjvjpsqEHP3fqElyzsOFW9uWIm1ie2dgyta-pgsgzkStOpTCkNbGUcLXo2DL9xnl7UuR" width=640 height=360> You're both screwed. FAIL

Double-click this passage to edit it.

You gesture over to the underside of the Burgerphant. "Slide under? Heck yeah! I'll go first!" It feels like Brobee has been waiting all his life to do a cool action movie stunt. He slides under the Burgerphant, quietly humming the theme song from Mission Impossible. It would've been amazing... If the Burgerphant didn't decide to lie down at this exact time. POFF! <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-7qHr5d8pzbOkDy4HdjVOaGAC910kXiMSDMrTv7sxLc_b_AeBueFCfAS4Twmo5q9EMBR8gRXZC63aAHg1KGYmSFIjucvh-wYuWLV4wROb_rMhjgtdXnPZtysFzuvqWAL6DCKsWPx" width=640 height=360> "h.. ow.. a little help here?" FAIL

<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/38itOxKS4xhvgIauke0ECe_TOi0gvClr8RPu1u8Ll_SFFfRYD5nnSulmmer_rF4C6jjwEs6YUCDbC6rlyAvmswK63s15CGuLexHWHhgj1O0Q-OCGtDZ26LThR6bZZEKKg3Np8eSN" width=940 height=360> "Ok, ok, we're a bit safer here. I don't know if the clown saw us, though. Gosh, it smells like rotten flesh down here. You wonder how Brobee smelled the rotten flesh, seeing how he doesn’t actually have a nose. “Um, we could try and crawl deeper into the stands if you want. Just one problem, though... It's awfully dark over there." "We could also run to the RcMonald's stand. It's in a door just right of here." [[> Crawl deeper into the stands]] [[> Blindly dash to the exit]]

You crawl deeper into the decaying mess under the stands, so you can hide from the prying eyes of the burger clown. Decaying mess wasn't an exaggeration. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/xxKP6oeqx2RCxKwUEB2MuTCI2tkE4J5wYQ_t-O3_BA9c5GbQk79HgE-8ZMWHssT8myMFlbMg6UTphrVvqEIQkw-pOAfCwgpILl6oI4R4Si7Djnp8N7QjLtIYazS41TymyZ47gHWJ" width=640 height=360> There's moldy fries, bones with unidentified meat on it, and some weird pink sludge. Odd. With nothing useful here, you go further into the abyss. [[> Continue->bag]]

Once again, you make a mad dash to the RcMonald Door. You risk a backwards glance, and see that the clown didn't even know you were here in the first place. He was only suspicious of a burger without lettuce and tomatoes. "Oh yeah, heh. That was me." [[> Continue->NEEDS VARIABLE! rcmondald]]

You find a bag <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/KfvvjeaEPMvtQLo-nTwicVtw3hHEY8-jxGDNS0dDjnaSQDsUHwwYh0CMlRpn-zNlGecDfWfKckw4LpaVIK7lt_OIZNI1mZCGBQ1wyxfa0wzUC6OGgACo5KxcvjiqparBkbHpjfN5" width=640 height=360>

(set: $routes to it + 1){(if: $routes is 1)["Wow! Off to an adrenaline-fueled start. If the other places are like this, I might die of excitement, haha! Ha. But I won't. Anywho, where should we go next?" [[> Go to the fountain]] [[> Go to the clearing]]](else:)["Wowie, those clowns were pretty scary. Looks like we only have one place left, though. After you!" {(if: $temple is true)[ [[> Go to the clearing]] ](else:)[ [[> Go to the fountain]] ]]}

You decide to follow the path further. It probably leads to the restaurant anyway. There's mushrooms of all different types here. Seems like they're moving in sync to a beat you can't hear. You wonder what it is. Just as you expected, the clearing leads to a river. It's probably several meters across, and- yep, of course. It's infested with crocodiles. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/NiCyz8pI97fNA2hziAHeLZC-6PRR3QYi8s4uUbx9zU91qXCYA9URvv99hc_Hk2EwHO6v1m0mUo_NBPyW7Eh6IOPU_LWhgZXTmV9XOzkY7KGw5oSkUj9b_9ayESnThnXauQ" width=640 height=360> "Wow, this river is infested with crocodiles! Who would've thought?" Fortunately, there's a tree bridge over to your right. You could also explore along the riverbank, and find another way across. [[> Walk along the tree]] [[> Walk along the riverbank]] [[> Jump across]]

You follow the footsteps for what feels like a few miles. You had to pass through some gnarly bushes and bramble to get here, but fortunately Brobee had a spare pocket knife with him. There was one time where you actually went the completely wrong way. It took an hour or so of investigating the growth of moss to find the way back. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/Ao_h_qxRT5y4REUjBetpaXOwVjINfLqV3eNVeN4Va9q30SWUeS-0H0vBJZj_VcPfzSxT-lqfi8xufdXQ8Up9wTkHjUfoTECjS8Z70J06C5l-PMSaBpk4mlzZ7jDR1PwvzA" width=640 height=360> Eventually, you get to a spot with less undergrowth. There’s a large cave to the right of you, but the footsteps are traveling away from it. Odd. If you know anything about caves, it’s that their inhabitants are usually pretty scary. Footsteps often lead to scary things, too. You’re too far gone to go back, so you have to make a choice. [[> Follow the footsteps]] [[> Enter the cave]]

(set:$carrot to true)“You know, the weird orange thing had the same color as a Jungle Carrot. I mean, it can’t be a carrot of course, because carrots don’t move like that… But maybe it is?” Brobee seems obsessed with carrots. You don’t blame him. They’re pretty good. You follow the sound of rustling into a particularly dense area of trees. It’s almost a maze, as the wrong path could lead you squashed between two trunks (as it almost happened with Brobee). Luckily, you exit the dense maze without a scratch. A few minutes in, and you hear the sound of… a fire? Fearing the worst, you go further to take a closer look. Fortunately, the sound of fire wasn’t coming from a wildfire. It was coming from a campfire! <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/LxPBI-bkvyqprRByLh4aW654v_Aj2lGx-ONgFeAwEfrUvpNFTPHT-fyVL64BOItIXDuDlqFJZy05MXPjpy_5LpvJ5OcDKEdWjySZGnJYfA-cZDEPpCVpuI8Gs9t2sXFoZw" width=640 height=360> “Wow. It really was a carrot. The more you know.” The sentient carrot introduces themselves as Carey, the leader of this veggie tribe. Carey: "Hey! Pardon the small scale of this village, we had to relocate after an unexpected threat started attacking our old home. We’re safe here, though! Judging from the appearance of you two, you seem to explorers, is that so?" You two nod your head in agreement. Carey: "Heh! I thought so; I can tell a worn-torn adventurer when I see one. Luckily for you, I have just the thing you might need!" [[> Continue->careyContinues]]

"That tree bridge seems awfully convenient. Are you sure you want to walk along that?" He's got a point. That log seems pretty rotten from years of laying over a river. It looks like it could snap at any point. The crocodiles swim over to you, expecting you to fall. [[> Go through with your plan]] [[> Choose another option->> Investigate the rushing water]]

"Going around seems like a safe bet to make. Let's go!" You walk along the muddy bank of the river for what seems like hours. You find prickly apples, chameleon snakes, giant humanoid plants... But nothing that will get you over the river. Wait. Giant humanoid plants? Oh dear. "Golly, what a beaut. Long arms and legs, and petals for a head! They can't be that deadly." You watch the giant plant monster swallow a tiger whole. This isn't going to end well. <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/SyVgYCtYqKuPU8MzzO9TdgsXdkLdmlGJ077NUTGEL6RPQvJ2jeLoJ8AnwIaHnwecxdLwae3R_P_l1mYpNKM4nACHX6I419MDNUXfNHgsP2ZjuFHRWBe_ka0hCczsIAWkfA" width=640 height=360> FAIL

"You sure you want to jump? This seems awfully wide." The crocodiles sense what you're about to do, and open their mouths in response. This seems like a pretty dumb thing to do. [[> Go through with your plan->jumpplan]] [[> Choose another option->> Investigate the rushing water]]

Well, it's your choice. You go before Brobee, keeping your arms outstretched for balance. Halfway in, and the log seems pretty stable. That is, until... <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/zqu6l_xnoL_qGynrBdddjjf0kslMwP1xdOWm1jHkd6xVbK783aFcQUx7c0extT53GIm3iXi6KOsd-J6XoJ_OIuaH6hCdZ58x8nJnd0AIhiIArBFWpUUeFYl2ReKeB-MT7w" width=640 height=360> [[> Continue->youkilledyourfriendbettergetawayfast]]

<img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/2q0fD22iTsQXqP7-tQdBdxjRauVomWXlu7AZ5O7eHSsa2zZfYODHCG0IuB7M_IjCTGCx5ICKkJXK3QVI5VlqCJmrs6A_PvVDk97XvMo6WSDZkMD7uwTHtTss4NzH-oRZ9Q" width=640 height=360> The log snaps. FAIL

Well, you asked for it. You get a running start, and jump gracefully over the crocodiles. Time starts moving in slow motion. The other side is getting closer and closer. Right as you're about to make it... You land the jump. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/o9-OIJ61FxZppn2hF_1fvY8uSr-z2j6WKwTZr-io-xZUjY0zX13nB2RNy_4Qdnuy_UDZ7CcK5iBYx_FmNA8lvBRfAb8UVSUkkNDPbRplqOC8A-rXx9xv98bdpFpK2rlkGg" width=640 height=360> "Y- wh, bu- how??" That was... Easier than you thought it was going to be. Even the crocodiles are confused. I guess anything really is possible with the power of imagination. <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/WWvzKhWQ5fMribW9iV1IPQoE5qA92si4dbg0uU9f0wg-3Zbzx-MpcFggb02IlkJX36ebMhu2_HAVY-U2lB3m7nF_anKgdB_v74c9jG0upHjFUEU9dtOE4zAqda71BQr_QQ" width=640 height=360> You can see the restaurant just over the hill. Looks like it's TWOW Family Eatery. Way less exotic than you thought it was going to be, but family restaurants are usually known to have good food. You hear the sound of Brobee's THUMP as he lands face first next to you. “Hmf mff! Wmf dmf mf!” He probably said something celebratory. [[> Continue->twowfam]]

The atmosphere inside TWOW Family Eatery is perfect. The lights are a soft orange glow, and there’s just the right number of patrons. It’s not too loud, but not too quiet either. The music playing on the speakers seems to have a combination of bongos and a ukulele. It’s a banger. {(if: $carrot is true)[After a few minutes, you’re served a platter of roasted bear meat, with a side of dragon fruit stew.](else:)[After a few minutes, you’re served a platter of roasted bear meat, with a side of jungle carrot stew.]} Brobee takes a few bites of the bear meat and the side dish, tastes it for a bit, and delivers his final verdict. {(if: $routes is 0)[“No offense to the chef, but… this bear meat just isn’t for me. There’s something off about it. I can’t quite put my toe on it. Oh well, let’s hope the other restaurants fare better! Let’s go!” [[> Choose another location->twowfamChoose]]](elseif: $routes is 1)[“This bear meat tastes good! The roast really brings out its taste and chewiness. The sides are good too, but there’s a weird taste to them. Definitely better than a lot of other meals I’ve tasted, though. I wonder if the last restaurant has anything better. We shouldn’t wait to find out; let’s go!” [[> Choose another location->twowfamChoose]]](else:)[“Oh. Oh man. The meat is INCREDIBLE. It’s cooked and seasoned perfectly. And the stew… Don’t even get me started on the stew! This meal really hit the spot! It might just be the best meal I’ve ever had, in fact!” [[> Continue->twowfamwin]]]}

“I hope these footsteps don’t lead anywhere scary. On the bright side, we can pretend like we’re detectives!” You turn to Brobee, and find him dressed exactly like Sherlock Holmes, complete with a pipe. How did that even happen? “Alright, Watson, you better crack this case! Elementary, deer, and all that. I’m Sherlock Holmes.” You follow the footsteps for yet another few miles. The sky grows darker, the insects become more colorful, and you swore you saw something move. Maybe it was just the wind. An hour or so later, and the footsteps are nowhere to be found. You have a good feeling you might be lost again. You take a glimpse to your left and see a single yellow eye piercing through the darkness directly at you. You tap Brobee’s shoulder to get his attention. “What is it Watson? Did you find a body? The murder weapon? Was it Colonel Mustard- oh. Oh my. That looks like a dinosaur eye.” The eye disappears into the bushes. With no other leads, you decide to follow it. You stop at a giant rock. Brobee taps on your shoulder to get your attention. He tells you to look up. <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/OA73xSLRXoh8Lucpxxy2FnfZlPQNaa2tGfdTyvjqQlW3YeRgTie5Y7uk3CZUJZmKTnPzgU8CyqRen4mH8zTFzG5BXNxykb3NcD08jadYthmxWJIxsAoOg4XBlKJPjoeEGg" width=640 height=360> “Do you know what this is? It’s… It’s the Thesaurus Rex! We found it, comrade! We found it!” The Thesaurus Rex eyes the two of you carefully. Soon, its demeanor changes, and it starts sniffing the air. The dinosaur growls at you in a friendly way, as if to tell you to follow it. “Don’t worry; Thesaurs weren’t described as dangerous in the scriptures. It probably knows the exit! Let’s go!” After yet another few miles, you finally see a road. And it’s a road that leads straight to a restaurant! <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-CTbGslaptDhA-TYIhFQZsjWG7gnOMpjH3yc_HHcTmQHNRHwjnHovFvfh1JwWyaltWe4CGJpm1-8M4KuS_0GsBRqQ8BJVKMtDt7AhVOwqYUjNMzdmjnPO-lk1-SRhYr_GQ" width=640 height=360> You can see the restaurant just over the hill. Looks like it's TWOW Family Eatery. Way less exotic than you thought it was going to be, but family restaurants are usually known to have good food. “Heck yeah, we’re here!” [[> Continue->twowfam]]

“I don’t have a good feeling about those footsteps,” Brobee says nervously, “I think the cave is a safer bet.” Reluctantly, you enter the cave. The path goes deeper and deeper, and soon you can’t see the opening anymore. It’s almost pitch black in here. You step over sticks, stones, and- wait, are those bones? As you turn the corner, you start to think that maybe those really were bones. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/0-GXY0ZlHfX3mZu-P8OVDo1aSq2aELTcxFPbd5CgZBQJ3M94cuLjVtKZoeoYw_o8zmLhCLuhhDusM7kTM3RWud-GTIFn39zYgllP_OtYpipV4TWEdr-OadtdvpjVTTi5Zg" width=640 height=360> A large grizzly bear is sleeping at the end of the cave, holding what appears to be… “Oh my gosh! A carrot!” Brobee exclaims in a hushed whisper. “Jungle carrots are worth a fortune on the market! I’ve always wanted to try an exotic carrot, but… I’m not sure if we can pry it out of the bear’s paws.” The bear looks like a deep sleeper. There’s a good chance you can safely leave, but you could also try to satiate Brobee’s need for good carrots. [[> Leave the cave]] [[> Take the carrot]]

After thinking it over, you realize the risk isn’t worth it. If a bear can find a jungle carrot, then you could find another one easily. “So, uh, footsteps then? Or do you want to go all the way back? My feet hurt.” Your feet hurt, too. [[> Follow the footsteps]] [[> Go back]]

You tiptoe over to the bear. It twitches a bit, but maybe because it saw a bunny in a dream. As silently as you can, you grab the carrot and start to slide it away from the paw. The bear’s snoring gets interrupted, but it quickly goes back to the usual pattern. The carrot is halfway out, and Brobee is currently feeling a mix of fear, anticipation, and pure joy. As soon as you lift the carrot out from under its paw… … Nothing happens. The carrot is safely in your grasp now! Brobee does a silent fist pump. CARROT GET! <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/BtPrmTo4WR22UHU2kuhfiFrQPifO0_tfu-naDaN-QCVnxryhrVJYdxRs5LGwFQkhmDhrbDTu6M1CxxYu37Tx5r9EvXdsLJluDOJRVH-FARKmMqSubw7fBImhs5bDvnDbmQ" width=640 height=360> Well, only one choice now. [[> Exit the cave]]

“Oh boy oh boy oh boy, a rare jungle carrot! They say this tastes like everything you could ever want from a carrot, and more! I can’t wait to eat this- ooh, or should I cook it in a stew? Agh, the possibilities are endless!” You see sunlight now. You’re almost out of the cave. And then you hear the sound of a grunt. “Uh, hey, was that the sound of snoring? Or is the bear-” <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/3_GjJKpoC8f3uBLpPF4XZkss33Isy9JS4-dChkezpcC65WKCtBAywPPgvM2v_C6nH-XbRc1Th5JkN6ZSbwUFp5Hm_PlxhmTgZtRJK2ZuyM3xhoyDbVHwr1TNp7yq3tnpgA" width=640 height=360> FAIL

Double-click this passage to edit it.

Carey pulls out a map stowed away in their cart. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/2wllAE6cTpsj-s90zXDqd_wrPmLK9XiVuNan2ZXVvfDU8bOloiuCsojGFjKgGa4SEmmdGxF9VO4JDwD7ZoVuMfJRb2t8c4AREtWoTRjQIjm8AiL34oMRtM-OK1eZduavQQ" width=640 height=360> Carey: "Alright, so we’re over there in the top left. You’re trying to get to the local restaurant, which is all the way to the right. Go through that delta over there at the bottom; that should take you safely to the exit." Brobee scans the map carefully. He seems to admire all the pretty drawings. Brobee: “Hey, uh, what’s that big building?” Carey: "Oh, that? That’s the bird temple! A remarkable piece of architecture. Unfortunately, the only way in is locked, and we can’t seem to find the key. You can check it out if you want, though!" A way to the exit and a temple? Well that’s just great! [[> Check out the temple]] [[> Exit the jungle]] [[> Eat Carey]]

<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/klCx4997e_GJ_tygmknpMy0Fdrk6Il9NV5G9pMYrGcSxFXw24BQWO6CmFEboZ7psYn5LujGD2DPhjORjnenWOPPqOmGIyc2UZZ5N97FFmR5EpjKbH_uy9GsEH1EG7lGouw" width=640 height=360> Yep, they were right; that temple looks gorgeous in person. Who knows how long the statues would’ve taken to make? If only you had a key… (if: $key is true)[...Oh wait! You do! Brobee pulls out the rusted key that he took from the water temple. “The bird statue was there, too; this must be it!” Sure enough, it is. The key fits perfectly into the socket, and with a mighty push, the ancient door opens. You’re blinded by the golden light. [[> Continue->SECRET]]] (else:)[[> Leave the temple->> Exit the jungle]]

Using the help of Carey’s map, you find the delta, cross it, and carry on safely to the other end of the jungle. Soon, you see a road. It’s a road that leads to a restaurant! <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-CTbGslaptDhA-TYIhFQZsjWG7gnOMpjH3yc_HHcTmQHNRHwjnHovFvfh1JwWyaltWe4CGJpm1-8M4KuS_0GsBRqQ8BJVKMtDt7AhVOwqYUjNMzdmjnPO-lk1-SRhYr_GQ" width=640 height=360> You can see the restaurant just over the hill. Looks like it's TWOW Family Eatery. Way less exotic than you thought it was going to be, but family restaurants are usually known to have good food. “C’mon, comrade; let’s eat some food!” [[> Continue->twowfam]]

Wh… Why? You monster! <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/cG19dRs6jqDqfAg5UVNP7pji4iJFXwGOlOo8H7Z9yuObIbvTDUCyCTJsizpE2frL_c1JRDEUVZ75PHTP7zDYFgvJ9AbRsQi-_Ye0xOjBt2KuP2f_hoI3AnRKnjqvCnESYw" width=640 height=360> The aftermath goes just as you would expect, though with a tad bit more pitchforks and torches. FAIL

"By golly... it's a genuine Fabergé egg!” <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/j0Et6AUlI1Isc2dAvfMEsFLXdC0-W_WGCv2NXTGbRYrxfDwSh0A6AbL87PQW1QmCLLamEbUkcYlopIYh6Zso5IzU3N0qqoNyIukkR3fZclR2f5Jy1LLrbaC6VxRCGtCTCA" width=640 height=360> The temple of the birds has bestowed you with its most precious egg. You are truly honored. SECRET DISCOVERED! [[> Leave the temple->> Exit the jungle]]

You slide through the belly of the stone beast, and enter the water temple. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/SCtZXDX-l0sYif8EFuPjOBiqOhm2kfXnWVk3XbBhvDPAQsMsl999q5Ay_dzoGG0O-vdMt-5y1ABmNDz3GYkFQ0ph0-YCpyxYybF8Q6ScPdBFk5NABAZ6V2tvEnfaVbVScg" width=640 height=360> There seems to be a wide variety of flora and fauna here. Which makes sense, since no one has touched it in ages. It all looks marvelous, though. If it weren’t for the monochrome vision underwater, the scene might look pretty colorful. [[> Continue->watercontinue]]

Eventually, you reach a fork in the water. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/8jdm2E3jU21U4sXYaWCh1sdKZ0GbF1orXi2EXpsM9X3QFvZsRjdgYt2WgQTFcoL5spVwBRuHsvZpoxfUTueoxXWYkdCuRG0nvweOmBGRHX9-u91Y5vPsbRBkdVUFA3PxpQ" width=640 height=360> “...Wow. These signs aren’t helpful in the slightest. I see why so many adventurers got lost here now.” Seems like it’s up to you to pick your poison. [[> Go up]] [[> Go down]]

You decide to swim up. Going up should take you closer to the exit, right? Wrong. <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/LvFjCl-DNee10tuKUyrovjunObwoL-Yezf-h2PYmd6nvA2iNFnDSVZju91pX52oF2BeQyfZI5OXvnDUFagWJD9pQ9mb-KmSUNef9eWpCeEtoHvvUFpU4srrzTLI1R5kRpQ" width=640 height=360> “Uh. Yeah. Remember what I said about the fish?” You should think fast. That fish looks awfully hungry. It probably hasn’t seen food as big as you in years. [[> Distract the fish]] [[> Run away]] [[> Charge into the fish]]

You swim down, hoping the signs are misleading. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/4VNS9vxRJqcD_ZQ26orLoF2eVzd_0tYuMliEIUHAUnTlBz2JyDvzkUiVBQWTTf5zYe-waBythXtMC0Uw_3RZi5pE3JjLD7No6fEWS-3fkoFBvhDGvEKQwdG_qeBGZ3DYoA" width=640 height=360> So far, so good. There’s just iron boots here, which will of course bolt you to the floor. What would require iron boots, though? The answer is, of course… [[> Continue->puzzleroom]]

“I have to keep you safe, comrade. I’ll swim around and distract the fish; you sneak past it. Don’t worry, my dodging skills are great! You hope he’s telling the truth. [[> Continue->fishdarn]]

“Screw this; I’m out!” Brobee starts to swim away as fast as he can. Giant beasts are usually faster, though. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/3c_ERKs6YgfCfwYMCBTZhIrSkJdzBnhYYHiVy50EJUFckPwlhri6V7vhLwJCCXxjJxKb4PEmcazPZ8M6N5M_HJi129iMCTypjM_o6oBnq7dcv1qRXWgoa7W1_wLxR3758g" width=640 height=360> FAIL

Fish are probably just like bears; they’ll run away if you act threatening. You’re not sure if that’s the proper way to deal with a bear, but you can’t stop to check right now. Gathering up all your strength, you decide to risk your life and run right into the beast… And hey! Whaddya know. The fish got scared and swam away. I guess they only wanted food without any of the challenges. What a bottom feeder. You swim to the other side of the cavern and into a pretty narrow tunnel. It twists and turns, but eventually goes straight up. [[> Continue->surface]]

It goes just as well as you’d expect. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/eVzeLSlznoZXqMQ8NPKqJwgvtOGC5BxVGgcUggBeaulLoxfbFT9-NaMDbOdmA5clt2wVEj5CKpgM9vgJQnWgsRfTObkOyB8e-9jEklv8FtlDfKb7yFzPrXyCXG1HNwYPVQ" width=640 height=360> FAIL

<img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/xyYmwLqd6c6OW85746QzQLUrQMo84mRb-c-lrxiEvSmTRD-IuAHHTFu8QnmO78-ZxAFebQyTOYnJdcuvWalobNppBdcKKxKUYPGCJ4Ag0fr2tWeoYlE00Qs7He3FQa-fmQ" width=640 height=360> ...A puzzle room? Huh. Well that wasn’t what you were expecting. Brobee decides to check out the stone mounted on the pedestal. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/mArfpzpVghXoyKCuLKK6VzYyQ0U2ynzvL5u53NjBqQhcHruael-BU896wvPoGCKe8KhSvXTPxky9HQaqYJcBesPCAgPNdMrEwseTWGlyyLsbsbw_ddpMqi7AbKbm-h7IPQ" width=640 height=360> Looks like a maze of numbers, with some text in an otherworldly language that you can’t read. Luckily, Brobee seems like he can. “Wowie, those college classes in Mermandese finally paid off! Now, let’s see what this says…” //"THE STONE MAZE OF HORRORS! Laid before you is a grid of numbers, arranged to fit into a maze. Each corridor contains one of each digit from 1 to N, according to its length. A corridor two spaces long contains the numbers 1 and 2, and a four-space long hallway has the numbers 1 to 4. In addition, squares that are a knight’s move away in Merkinmot (“Chess” to all you land dwellers) are forbidden from having the same number as each other. Using this information, we encourage you to find the numbers hidden behind the two question marks. Behind the pedestal you will find five buttons, each with a different digit. Hit the number in the bottom left first, and the top right second. This puzzle shall test your ability to think under pressure. Get it? Under pressure? Æmy thought it was pretty funny. An incorrect answer will lead to an untimely demise."// Brobee is all tuckered out from reading. “This seems complicated. Do you want to go check out the other path?” [[> Leave->> Go up]] [[> Continue->puzzleA]]

“Well, your call.” You have all the time in the world to solve this puzzle (since, apparently, you two can breathe underwater). Hit the bottom left number first, and the top right second. [[> Hold on I want to look at the puzzle again->puzzleroom]] [[> 1->1A]] [[> 2->2A]] [[> 3->3A]] [[> 4->4A]] [[> 5->5A]]

[[> 1->1A1B]] [[> 2->1A2B]] [[> 3->1A3B]] [[> 4->1A4B]] [[> 5->1A5B]]

[[> 1->2A1B]] [[> 2->2A2B]] [[> 3->2A3B]] [[> 4->2A4B]] [[> 5->2A5B]]

[[> 1->3A1B]] [[> 2->3A2B]] [[> 3->3A3B]] [[> 4->3A4B]] [[> 5->3A5B]]

[[> 1->4A1B]] [[> 2->4A2B]] [[> 3->4A3B]] [[> 4->4A4B]] [[> 5->4A5B]]

[[> 1->5A1B]] [[> 2->5A2B]] [[> 3->5A3B]] [[> 4->5A4B]] [[> 5->5A5B]]

Nothing happens for a bit, but then you hear creaking. The grate on the wall in front of you opens! You can’t believe you managed to answer this puzzle correctly. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/a1Qu1Wdgs1TqapWXAP8M8VaGaOkykQRae167j_13oHhf_ytyX1VnJS6rXecK7i2AVzGnTSyKxCI1wJSUuoPo7ttEgqqkWsoOokfB5wBSgBRzAv3MWkc7QNPLtDoZmWNcKA" width=640 height=360> You’re quickly whisked off into a dark tunnel. Who knows what lies at the end of it? You never managed to find out. FAIL

Nothing happens for a bit, but then you hear creaking. The grate on the floor in front of you opens! You see light shining through from down there. You’re quickly whisked off into what appears to be another fork in the road. <img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pOWXa9dNT66PHLY3gQ3YCQZROsrze3Ql0ydDJMhD02X4kAm1lkWrI02Gwign3-80qzTgn-Hqw9n-6VwDBGrZc_wZWud7J_Pdea5rxOqypBls8J1c5GzADMQ2PyCJm7dwzw" width=640 height=360> “Look, a light! That must be the exit!” There’s also the option of going down into the murky depths. Fish are congregated near the opening. [[> Go to the light]] [[> Go to the darkness]]

You begin to swim higher and higher. You see coral, barnacles, and clownfish. What a lovely place this water temple is! Ignoring all the beasts and traps, of course. [[> Continue->surface]]

(set:$key to true)“...Really? But the exit… Aw shucks, whatever. The more exploration, the better, y’know.” You swim deeper and deeper for what feels like an entire league. “Did you know? A league is 3.452 miles!” Brobee exclaims, happy to list some factoids even in the abyss. Soon, you find yourself in a strange room. <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/nw20q3iR18pSKJrTTwmBHbN44yFAsekbhYuzBzZPL09bZmfF0TYOA2dkvSd786zvGs8nmgk9ojP41sV1G2uW57OiZjXpL2IavLJavt87zg12evpGUdEaoO_qHt8sWbtGtw" width=640 height=360> “Woah! That’s a giant bird statue. What’s it doing here?” The giant bird statue is holding a pretty big key. After checking for any traps, you decide to pocket it. Key get! You decide to swim back up and take the other path. [[> Go to the light]]

The good news is, you can see sunlight! The bad news is… <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/tB8AYZ76n1eYSfAE0_TGEvXEUIG61Z4XJLAQiR9P1kouL6nsz1wK6Nt0UJYmY7pcCuD0iKJIif0bENUeHWcpdi9YxeGy-DQJ0yKIQ_Xy4gnuOWkzh9Hxk1Gabqq9WgWZ9w" width=640 height=360> There’s dragons in the sky. You look over at Brobee. He’s paralyzed with fear. Your head starts rushing again, but this time it feels like it’s going the opposite way. The temple sinks lower and lower into the ocean, and soon, everything goes back to normalcy. [[> Continue->birdnightmare]]

<img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/UKt5H749CgG7fKRSAHZ1bKf1OOjyr0qxgQhgs5KxJmO3bmMgXcTmdXatoVka2n-XW2GTfH3eUXPiu1H8vm60Zt8jveH2uK7vyN9P7R1ZbF1YREYnE8dQsy4tlCmzif1MNQ" width=640 height=360> Hoo boy. Those things look threatening. “Hey, uh, why are those birds looking at me funny?” You need to get rid of those birds fast. [[> Distract them with bread]] [[> Ignore them]] [[> Threaten them with a stick]]

Birds love bread; they should turn friendly in a jiffy! <img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/ZB93kKmFgsdVuMjVyjtaeSlcDrV-BWsMGOCN0k71mZrKCEkg7ygW95nU41Ruo03wjQC5k_EFFeWNB6kU6R4UF6BE838rhUhP7kpVNzX_xXzLh4KHNaKmeOQN_9the_Hefw" width=640 height=360> You nervously pull out your last slice of bread and hand it to the birds. At least they’re distracted, you think to yourself. [[> Continue->deadbread]]

<img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/JO3yZHzFSLVHKJb43VQbG2VXTD76YJ0IQOeN8CCXGmbAzRsyXXStsz_pMnio35-pKZBSadBE2W0hF4SbnRiKLlfe4CkNEwrmbF7XI2K1aArRSXjp2w6pzlx_wvM-Xi2v_w" width=640 height=360> [[Continue->snoreignore]]

<img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/f3qa5Glgio3Yf2c-3v4p6pqrYWLUKxnQ_CUkkoa9MJyToR4oWu5kwzagGAfjStoOfGS12Ex2ANCvar_upcYK_yjRvKNVbSTuTNVxAjOFrfwF6KdlnIbIQgf1Nkxo2pZfRA" width=640 height=360> You grab the nearest stick and wave it at the birds. Who’s the scary one now, birds? [[> Continue->stickick]]

<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/okXvIMJTeummCo2Kt8hNro80ugaRsrF94FraH5Zyg20Qg0L5HBmrjgNgQ7UauRsN6TXnNZOTeK9uge4PaTkz6qC950QL-2r3UdszKXWEx8cn_3opxii0oRDjNbuk1mPGuw" width=640 height=360> OH HECK- FAIL

<img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/bhlr2h5Vn2X4sTErzg-8doyhuz0qMORcFl2r87t7i6unGCPE2RfSXgv-WKq8HKII4QOu8WvhRB2D7PSGbAxTNM9ZcT5MJdf78R1GS_iLA9GoO9-h0-M_oR43_aOYrSrZiQ" width=640 height=360> [[> Continue->stickdead]]

<img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/jps1uqBzTIRhhaKXsC49szWBG__5oWucg0BsSK8GzpFGznXtIgnjI2zn1wQb2mK5hfgIPdRnQJ_CcuxibEMqEH-4jfqOVDaeB_eJkIHhS3bILyXlrOR7odCtU6DSoDD-eQ" width=640 height=360> "OH HECK-" FAIL

<img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/2Fp-pZlknoneFSw6YEfTVoPUQFrWiiseao8CwS0DN-rQbgiH1Ub-EmnHV7895pq6KIT87-AYp1HdHIP98s7QTOUrKZFekcTcz1PvHwGk3SEHcyk9y8h-_fbr5xnjsdVZiA" width=640 height=360> Huh. Well they weren’t much of a threat at all. “Thanks for saving me there, comrade! Now that we’re safely out of the temple, we can cross on over to the restaurant! From the looks of it, it’s pretty fancy. After crossing the hill, you manage to see the restaurant, perfectly sandwiched into a valley. <img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/SBFEQH5XbaiKiO6NFYk9ffPH2-6MlgNXVvX4ioDtjIHytk3vRHpSdOQZJBKr3MyWqeKCC3S-AgGyxxu4wY5z78b7wr65CJJkLW-h7qlSR9cSUqMoABW4clN9PbuE-CzByQ" width=640 height=360> “The Winds of Winter: Seafood Cuisine. Cool!” You make a reservation for a table and sit down. Everything’s sparkling white, with fountains and statues in each corner of the building. The bill for this is going to cost a fortune! After half an hour, your order comes. It’s caviar over calamari, with a side of catfish sticks. “Looks… interesting,” Brobee says, eyeing the squid. After a minute or so of mental preparation, Brobee takes a bite of the calamari… {(if: $routes is 0)[...and immediately spits it out. “Why did I think it was going to taste good? Curse my hubris! That taste is never going to leave my mouth now.” “Hopefully the other restaurants repress my memory of this, though! Vamanos! That’s French for let’s go.” You don’t think that’s a French word. [[> Choose another location->windschoice]]](elseif: $routes is 1)[...and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s alright. Tastes just like how a squid is supposed to taste. Not a big fan of the slime, though. Hopefully the last restaurant fares better in terms of slime! Let’s go!” [[> Choose another location->windschoice]]](else:)[...and widens his eyes. “Oh. My. Heck. How did they make squid taste so good??? Are there wizards posing as chefs now?? Golly, this journey was worth it!” [[> Continue->twowin]]]}

“Well, I figured out that RcMonald’s burgers are probably the best food I’ve ever tasted… But do you know what else I learned? This whole journey wasn’t just for the food…” “It was for you. You are, without a doubt, the best sidekick I ever had.” “I guess… The real journey was the friends we made along the way.” FRIENDSHIP ACQUIRED! <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/0SHs7pGyT3r658mdYOrfv7vamwb_s_au3FxCVuiX7N-7n7yfB7VujJF-fLTLFveDGDCD0HH1ESpDlZNiZJfxwIhju55g6eWLah18DMdAjaK6Q29EVj4qg7d6MDmwYQL-Ji9ITjRg" width=640 height=360>

(set: $routes to it + 1){(if: $routes is 1)["These mosquito bites are really getting to me now. Let's hope the other places have bug spray!" [[> Go to the parking lot]] [[> Go to the fountain]]](else:)["What a vibrant place, that jungle was! Looks like we only have to go to one more restaurant now. My master plan will finally be complete!" {(if: $temple is true)[ [[> Go to the parking lot]] ](else:)[ [[> Go to the fountain]] ]]}

“Well, I learned that I should start eating bear meat more often, but do you know what else I learned? This whole journey wasn’t just for the food…” “It was for you. You are, without a doubt, the best sidekick I ever had.” “I guess… The real journey was the friends we made along the way.” FRIENDSHIP ACQUIRED! <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/0SHs7pGyT3r658mdYOrfv7vamwb_s_au3FxCVuiX7N-7n7yfB7VujJF-fLTLFveDGDCD0HH1ESpDlZNiZJfxwIhju55g6eWLah18DMdAjaK6Q29EVj4qg7d6MDmwYQL-Ji9ITjRg" width=640 height=360>

(set: $routes to it + 1){(if: $routes is 1)["Yeah... Now I see why no one survived that temple. I'm surprised we did, though! If we can survive that deadly place, we can survive these next two, too. Let's go!" [[> Go to the parking lot]] [[> Go to the clearing]]](else:)[""Well, I certainly wasn't expecting a journey like that. I'm sure it can't get much worse than that, though. I wonder what the last place has in store for us!" {(if: $jungle is true)[ [[> Go to the parking lot]] ](else:)[ [[> Go to the clearing]] ]]}

“Well, I learned that squids really can taste good, but do you know what else I learned? This whole journey wasn’t just for the food…” “It was for you. You are, without a doubt, the best sidekick I ever had.” “I guess… The real journey was the friends we made along the way.” FRIENDSHIP ACQUIRED! <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/0SHs7pGyT3r658mdYOrfv7vamwb_s_au3FxCVuiX7N-7n7yfB7VujJF-fLTLFveDGDCD0HH1ESpDlZNiZJfxwIhju55g6eWLah18DMdAjaK6Q29EVj4qg7d6MDmwYQL-Ji9ITjRg" width=640 height=360>

[[PRESS START 1P]] [[ABOUT]] [[BONUS ROUTES]]

CREDITS: - Made in Twine with Harlowe - Intro by Val Each staff author contributed one route, as follows: - Crazy Lady by Val - Pants Guy by LegendFinder - Book Friends by Danny the Unicorn [[> BACK->startup]]

There are currently no bonus routes. Want to feature one of your characters? DM VаI (they/them)#1796 on Discord! [[> BACK->startup]]